In an interview with Chude Jideonwo, Falz revealed he is scared of commitment, admitting that a combination of challenges in the entertainment industry and personal hesitation has kept him from settling down.

Falz explained that balancing a healthy love or family life with the demands of the entertainment industry is incredibly difficult.

According to him, the fear of “scattering things up” and not knowing how to properly navigate a serious relationship has made him cautious.

He further stated that despite his fame and success, he has yet to find a woman genuinely interested in him.

He also admitted that he has never experienced romantic heartbreak or professed love to anyone.

“I’ve never been heartbroken. In a romantic way, I’ve never told somebody that I love you. I’ve not found anybody that likes me,” he confessed. “In all sincerity, it is incredibly tough to have a healthy love or family life and be in entertainment. Not knowing how to navigate that, coupled with feeling like I don’t want to scatter things up, has resulted in me just wanting to stay away.”

The rapper admitted that he is not prepared for a relationship and would not deceive himself or others by pretending otherwise.

Regarding all the women he has been rumored to be dating, Falz mocked that it is merely the figment of fans’ imaginations.

According to D-Black, while many believe he is romantically linked to the female celebrities he socializes with in clubs and at public events, they are not his type.

He explained that he is more attracted to professional, career-driven women rather than flashy or high-profile figures in the entertainment industry.

“My ideal woman is calm and collected. I’m more drawn to nurses, soldiers, and career women who maintain a low profile,” he stated.

To emphasize his point, D-Black revealed that the mother of his children is a doctor who prefers a simple lifestyle and stays away from the entertainment scene.

No Romantic Ties With Signees

Addressing rumors about his relationship with his signees, D-Black reiterated that he has never been romantically involved with any of them.

“That thought has never even crossed my mind,” he emphasized.

Using his longtime signee S3fa as an example, he described their relationship as strictly professional.

“I met S3fa eight years ago. She’s like a sister to me. The woman she is today is a product of years of grooming and mentorship,” he said.

He also dismissed any romantic links to Nina, another signee, stressing that she, too, is like a sister to him.

Following the announcement of his split from his wife of 13 years, Annie Idibia, rumors circulated that he was involved in extramarital affairs, allegedly leading to the breakdown of their marriage.

In a video shared on his Instagram page, 2Face addressed the speculation, confirming his connection with Hon. Natasha but clarifying that she played no role in his marital troubles.

“I’ve been seeing so many things, so many people coming up with their own false narratives, false talk, and malicious nonsense after I posted that stuff. I posted it, yes, any person wey get brain go understand. But for all the people who have been saying different stuff that don’t have an absolute clue about what’s going on, I hail you people. Your life is perfect, very right,” he stated.

The legendary singer also defended Hon. Natasha, dismissing claims that she was a homewrecker. According to him, she is a young, brilliant, and amazing woman who had nothing to do with the collapse of his marriage.

In a surprising revelation, 2Face openly declared his love for the lawmaker and expressed his intention to marry her.

“Yes, I love her. She is amazing, she is cool, I want to marry her,” he said.

This development comes just weeks after the singer publicly announced his separation from Annie Idibia, marking the end of their long-term relationship.

Despite the backlash and controversy, 2Face appears determined to move forward, embracing his new chapter with Hon. Natasha.

Actually, no. The fantastic thing about being a woman is that getting a man to see how wonderful you are doesn’t involve any effort at all. It’s all about simply being, not doing. To do that, you must first be open to receive.

When you shower him with affection, attention, dinners, and gifts, and always go out of your way to drive to his place, it makes him think of you as a mother or a friend instead of inspiring his emotional desire for you.

When you are open to receiving from a man, you are sending a message that you value yourself and that you believe you are worthy of his time, attention, gestures, and ultimately his love.

Valuing yourself can also do you some good. People with high self-esteem generally have more success at school and work, better social relationships, and improved mental and physical health. So resist the temptation to prove your worth by giving, and instead create the space for him to give to you.

2. They enforce boundaries that a man must respect

Men are competitive creatures who value what they must work hard to get. If he gets a sense that you’re completely devoted to him with very little investment on his part, he’ll question your value. Research from 2018 found that couples who effectively set and maintain boundaries experience higher relationship satisfaction.

This means you do not give away exclusivity to a man until you have the commitment you want from him. Instead, you keep dating and meeting lots of different men, so you give yourself a chance to find out what you want and need from a relationship. At the same time, you aren’t prematurely cutting yourself off from your Mr. Right in case you haven’t met him yet.

When you keep the focus on yourself and keep yourself open to other men, you send the message that you’re a woman who puts herself first and that you are a prize. This elevates your “degree of difficulty,” so he has to step up his game to get you all to himself… or risk another guy beating him to it.

The most important thing to remember when you are dating a man and want him to realise how wonderful you are is to put your happiness first. What’s the easiest way to be happy? Research from Harvard University found that the easiest ways to be happy are exercising and practicing gratitude.

If you love taking a dance classed, don’t give it up just because he’s in the picture and you don’t want him to think you’re not interested.

Letting him know you have a life before him makes him more attracted to you — not just because you’re not about to drop everything for him, but because people who are passionate about their interests are interesting.

It might feel a little scary to do this with a guy you like, but the right guy will gladly re-arrange his plans to see you. Why? Because you’ve just proven you’re a great catch he has to woo and win

Relationships are built on love, trust, and connection.

If you value your freedom a lot, the thought of sharing your life with someone else might not feel right to you.

The pain of betrayal can be overwhelming, but revenge cheating is not the answer.

But now that I write articles about women’s empowerment, it happens on a weekly basis.

For fear of sounding like your uncle who claims he’s not racist because he interacts with a person of color in the break room at work, I genuinely don’t hate men. I swear.

In fact, some of my favorite people on Earth are men:

1. My father, who taught me how to spackle sheetrock, play the guitar, cook linguine and clam sauce, and build a business from the ground up; who was an equal partner to his wife (back when they were married) and never more than a phone call away from his kids (even after the divorce).
2. My best friend, who I’ve known since I was 14; who wears his heart on his sleeve, makes me laugh harder than anyone, and regularly rides his motorcycle over an hour to visit me now that I live out in the sticks.
3. My partner, who’s vulnerable, empathetic, charming, hilarious, and intelligent — both cognitively and emotionally; who knows every facet of me and loves me not despite my baggage, but because of it.
4. Keanu Reeves, Fred Rogers, and Jack Black, who are smart, kind, and super awesome.

What do all these men have in common? Two things:

First, they’ve never expected me to abandon myself for their benefit. Second, they’ve earned my love and respect by being wonderful human beings.

The Buddhist in me believes that we’re all inherently valuable from the moment we’re born.

The realist in me knows we have to earn it. This applies to everyone — men, women, and non-binary folks; people I know personally, acquaintances I interact with online, and famous strangers I’ve never met. While our humanity should be inherent, relationships are transactional, and we still have to earn other people’s respect.

Overall, I like people who are empathetic, vulnerable, humble and put effort into being the best versions of themselves. I dislike (note my choice of words, as I don’t hate anyone) people who are entitled, cocky, closed off, and resistant to self-improvement.

Unfortunately, privilege often fosters the latter qualities.

According to a 2020 study, especially privileged people are uniquely high in entitlement. Research also shows that those with privilege are typically less empathetic and more likely to feel unsubstantiated overconfidence about things they know nothing about.

While these studies factor in race, finances, gender, and social class, the pinnacle of Western privilege has long been the affluent, white male. In an unsurprising irony, it’s almost exclusively white men who are telling me that I am a man-hater.

This accusation began the moment I healed from my dissociative disorder and decided that I would no longer abandon my voice, my dignity, or my sense of self to make other people comfortable.

Coincidence? I think not.

It wasn’t just men on the internet, either. Guys I knew in real life threw temper tantrums over my newfound self-esteem. Blatantly ignored my boundaries, even though I couldn’t have stated them more clearly. Negged me in an attempt to knock me down a few pegs. Fired me (most likely) for speaking up about immoral business practices.

Why are these men so bothered by self-assured women?

Put simply, because the second you experience something enjoyable, you subconsciously become terrified of losing it. It’s called loss aversion, and in this case, some men are terrified of losing their privilege to women.

I’ve quoted social scientist Baird Brightman before, but his comment is so poignant that I have to quote him again:

“EQUALITY! That is what ‘feminism’ and every other liberation movement is about. But when a person is used to privilege, every attempt at equality feels like an attack. And hence the blowback.”

It makes so much sense.

If privilege is a resource, and resources are finite, then those who have always enjoyed said privilege probably won’t want to share it.

They certainly won’t want to compete for it — especially if they fear, deep down, that their gender and their skin color are the only reasons they’re ahead.

If qualified women take up space, less qualified men may be shoved to the sidelines. If capable women decide they deserve better, apathetic men can no longer contribute the bare minimum to relationships. If resilient women heal their deepest wounds, avoidant men will be forced to either acknowledge their own hurts, or be perceived as ignorant, detached, and emotionally stunted.

Formerly privileged men will have to fight tooth and nail to prove that they’re worthy of respect and acknowledgment — which is exactly what women have been doing for millennia.

So no, I don’t hate men; I like people who strive to become better people, regardless of the bodies and circumstances they were born into.

Source: Your Tango

When something happens, I can feel any way I choose.

I’m allowed to be sad. I’m allowed to be angry. And I’m allowed to be pissed. Sure, this could come off as irrational, but it’s how I see the situation.

You don’t get to tell me how to feel. You have no right to tell me I shouldn’t be angry at the situation. And I can feel a certain way if I choose to as well.

I’m allowed to be pissed at you. I’m allowed not to speak to you ever again. How I choose to respond is up to me.

I can hate you if I choose to. I know I won’t because it’s not physically possible for me, but that backs up my point even more. I’m allowed to feel that way.

It doesn’t matter who you are to me. For example, I don’t care if you’ve been there my entire life or for two seconds. I don’t owe anyone anything. And just because we have a relationship doesn’t mean you get to speak to me in any way you see fit.

I’m allowed to cut you off and never speak to you again. And honestly, why would I want to have a relationship with you after the way you had spoken to me and treated me?

Seriously, consider that. If I spoke to you in the degrading way you spoke to me, would you want to speak to me again? If I acted in the immature way you did, would you want to keep our relationship intact?

I have a strong feeling you wouldn’t. I think you would be just as mad as I am, maybe even more.

So maybe you can finally see my side of the equation.

As of right now, I’m done with our relationship, and I don’t think or know if it will ever go back to the way it was.

The only way I can see us mending fences is if I got an apology from you. And even then, I don’t know if I want to restore the relationship.

You shattered my positive view of you and broke my heart. I don’t think I want to restore a relationship with someone who felt it was OK to speak to me that way.

Even if you did apologize, it would have to be sincere. Otherwise, you’re just putting a bandaid on and saying, “There I fixed it,” even though all you did was protect yourself.

So for right now, the relationship that we once had is broken. And I don’t know if I want it back to how it was because it won’t be the same.

Just because you love someone doesn’t mean you have to keep them around, especially if they don’t treat you properly. Love doesn’t mean you get to say and do whatever you want. And you sure as hell don’t throw it in the faces of the people you claim you love.

Source: Unwritten

Over the next four years, I found out. I became her: the embodiment of everything I pitied in someone with commitment phobia.

Even though we’d just met, I felt a level of emotional intimacy with Max that I hadn’t experienced before. Our conversations were deep, intense, meaningful. But I still tried to maintain our friendship status; I didn’t want to be his rebound.

Then one night while we were drinking a couple of beers with Keith Sweat’s “Nobody” playing in the background, he asked me to dance. Before I knew what was happening, our faces were inches apart, hands were roaming, and we were nearly kissing.

“This is getting dangerous,” I said. He pulled me closer.

In the midst of the exciting romance that ensued, I completely lost my footing. Like anyone in love, I began to float through life. Everything I knew about myself became negotiable.

For example, two weeks after that first kiss, he whisked me away to Joshua Tree, where we stayed at a campground with no running water and I had a blast. Pre-Max me would never disappear for a weekend with a guy I’d known for such a short time. And without running water? Please.

Max stretched my comfort zone, or maybe I was just willing to be uncomfortable if he was by my side. His free spirit released me of the self-imposed chains that kept me confined to a safe, simple, and, dare I admit, boring life. And in the process, he introduced me to a part of myself I didn’t know — a part I liked.

We surfed in ice-cold waters, hiked up Angels Landing (an incredibly tall mountain with nothing more than a chain-link railing to cling to as you spiral up to the top in a single file), and cruised through America’s heartland on a Harley. I felt like I was living someone else’s life. And I loved the person I was becoming.

He was everything I thought I wanted — the cowboy, the artist, the guitar player, the dreamer, the romantic. When I came home after a long day at work, I found rose petals scattered in the entryway of my building and hundreds more strewn throughout my apartment.

When I left for a day with the girls, he completely remodeled my apartment — a new couch, new accents, new lighting. How could I resist a guy who rides a Harley, excels at interior design, and paints landscapes?

If I hadn’t been blinded with the rush of new romance, I might have surmised that Max was overcompensating for an unsteady heart. His statements about marriage and forever were pessimistic at best.

Six months into the relationship, I wrote in my journal, “If this guy ever gets married, he’s going to have to be dragged down the aisle kicking and screaming.” But even my intuition couldn’t shake me of the desire to heal his wounds, erase his fears and prove to him that love can last.

Like most women, I was sure I could change him, that in a few years when I was ready, my love would make him want to get married.

Over the next three years, our friends found partners and got hitched in the time we were still just dating. We watched these couples break engagements and marriages, thankful that our relationship was solid.

But over time, I began to question why we hadn’t jumped on the marriage track.

Sure, Max was full of fun, laughs, and adventure, and I loved the carefree girl he brought out in me, but I wanted more. I was ready to grow up, buy a home, and have a family of my own. He wanted to maintain the status quo: a responsibility-free party zone.

“How would you react if I delivered an ultimatum as your ex did?” I casually asked one day, hoping he wouldn’t recognize the question for the ploy it was.

“I would do whatever it took to hold on to you and buy myself some time,” he said sweetly, averting my gaze. He bought three more years.

In the same way that love took me to a new high, it also showed me how much I would sacrifice to save the part of myself I found in Max, the part of myself I held inside all along. The more I obsessed about marriage, the more I felt our life together slipping away.

My need for commitment and children began to color everything we did or didn’t do.

I dropped annoying hints about tying the knot, felt a pang in my chest when friends announced their engagements, and began to view our rock-solid relationship like it was teetering on top of Angels Landing.

It was my 30th birthday when Max played for my family a highlight reel of our relationship, with Norah Jones’ “Come Away With Me” playing in the background. Slowly, the images changed from our reminiscences to pictures of him walking on the beach, and then leaning down and writing in the sand.

“He’s going to do it,” I thought. “He’s going to propose!” My heart was pounding. My palms were sweating. I was coming out of my skin. It felt like a dream come true, an answer to my prayers.

When the camera panned back to the words “will you…” imprinted in the sand, he got down on one knee. My parents popped the champagne, we toasted with plastic glasses, and he gave me a ring!

After the proposal, Max was like a little boy on Christmas morning, sharing the news with friends and family, the way a child shows off a shiny new bicycle. He was so proud of himself. I shared his excitement, but in the back of my mind, I wondered if he was buying more time.

Once we set a date, I had to drag him to appointments, remind him to design the invitations, prod him to get a guest list from his mother. He became reclusive, quiet, and irritable, and I began to feel like an unwelcome guest in his life, a victim of his commitment phobia.

I tiptoed around him for fear that he would snap at me, or worse, snatch the fantasy away altogether. So I backed off and gave him space while the clock ticked away.

As the wedding drew closer, he stayed at work later and later, went on weekend adventures with the guys, and disappeared for hours to run simple errands. I could sense he felt trapped like he was gasping for air, but I was clinging to the commitment I thought we had.

I nestled into his chest one night and whispered, “I don’t know who you are, but I want my boyfriend back.”

“I’m trying to find him,” he said.

Then he pulled me close and drifted off to sleep while I silently bargained with God: “Please let him come to his senses and realize that we are meant to be together.”

Two months before the wedding, God answered my prayers — and he said no. Max finally told me, “I can’t get married.” I packed my things and left. Max went to Mexico.

In the weeks and months afterward, I tried to visualize what my new life would be like without him. Where would I work? Where would I live? Would I ever fall in love again? I stayed, temporarily, a few hundred miles away in my niece and nephew’s playroom with a giant stuffed Elmo as my roommate.

I was safe there, sandwiched between my sister’s family life and the single life I was terrified to re-enter.

I lived my days in a fog of tears and spent nights as a walking cliché, nose-deep in break-up books with Chardonnay and chocolate to numb the pain.

All of this against the backdrop of my one-year-old nephew’s cries from the bedroom next door, a deafening reminder of the family I craved.

On some level, my devastation was comforting because it was definite. Limbo was over, and I finally had a grasp on reality.

The waiting, wondering, and trying to be strong for both of us had come to end. And I was slowly realizing what I had given up for him: the chance for something better.

While Max helped bring out my adventurous, silly side, he also suppressed the safe, play-by-the-rules side that thrived on tradition and family. And eventually, he robbed me of my deepest desires.

“You deserve a man who could never let you go,” said my brother-in-law.

And that’s when it finally clicked. To be truly happy, “my” guy would have to honor both sides of me: the free spirit and the nurturer.

Living with my sister and brother-in-law, I saw how a real partnership works, how both people in relationships sacrifice for the good of the team, but how neither sacrifices the other. That was missing for Max and me.

For the first time in my life, I knew exactly who I was and what I would and wouldn’t compromise for love, especially not with someone with a fear of commitment that he couldn’t overcome. And I knew that, when God denies your prayers, he often has better plans.

Source: Your Tango

Why? Because breaking up is painful and people would rather delay dealing with it and avoid feeling the pain for as long as possible.

How long does it take to get over a breakup? According to the results of one study by OnePoll, it takes about 3.5 months to heal, longer for divorce.

If you’re unhappy and in a relationship you sense isn’t serving you any longer, then read on. (If, after reading this article, you feel you need more in-depth guidance and support, be sure to take me up on my offer at the end.)

Here are the 5 ‘marriage gasps’ that mean a relationship is over:

1. Constant fighting that doesn’t let up

Has your relationship become a battleground? If so, then the only thing you have left in common is conflict. When you’re at this point, the relationship is no longer nourishing you. Instead, it’s depleting you.

Fighting can be healthy within a flourishing relationship, but continual repetitive purposeless arguments with nothing being resolved indicate the relationship is over.

2. Having almost no common ground anymore

When all the things that connected you at the beginning are now replaced with a multitude of differences, you may find all the activities, habits, and even where you want to vacation no longer align.

The most common place this shows up is in a matter of time. One partner feels that daily intimate connection is vital, while the other prefers just weekends.

3. Boredom

Another way to tell it’s over is when you’re waking up depressed, vaguely disconnected, and blue. You’re not sure what’s the matter with you. Nothing terrible has happened, you just have an overall feeling of hopelessness and very little joy in your life.

This often means the essential vitality in your relationship is gone and you’re not “in love” anymore.

I want to point out there is a big difference between comfortable familiarity and boredom. The best metaphor is the difference between a comfortable pair of shoes and old shoes that have worn out and hurt your feet. Check in and see which shoe fits YOU.

4. Emotional distance

This is when you become aware that the person you’ve been relating with is no longer there when you reach out to make contact. Any attempt to have a conversation consistently triggers a negative response.

This is what people mean when they refer to “a lack of communication.” When communication has broken down (verbal, intimate, emotional, affection), this is experienced as emotional distance.

5. A change in geography

Many relationships that have gone past their expiration date collapse when there’s a change in geography. Habits and routines are often the glue that binds and supports a relationship.

For this reason, an ending relationship will be severely impacted by a change in location. The relationship was being held together by the house, the neighbourhood, or the town.

Couples will buy and build their dream house and, once moved in, the relationship falls apart. It may look like moving was the problem, but actually, the breakdown was already occurring long before.

Source: Your Tango

In any healthy relationship, there should be mutual respect, love, and understanding. It’s natural for partners to occasionally make compromises or adjustments for each other.

Countless readers ask me for advice on how to get over something that they almost had, wondering why it’s so challenging to let go of something they never really had.

Before we can get to how to move on, it’s important to understand why it’s so painful in the first place.

One of the modern dating’s most perplexing ironies is that many people claim an almost-relationship ending before it really started is harder to get over than the end of a real, long-term relationship.

It’s mystifying why it’s so painful getting over something you never really had, and why you feel heartbroken even though you hadn’t fully handed over your heart yet.

We don’t quite comprehend what we’re grieving the loss of, so we aren’t sure why the pain of getting over a guy you never dated is so severe.

I personally believe that the agony aligns with our crushed idealizations, which were comprised of fantasy, hope, and imagination. This is where the ‘what if’ scenarios and the ‘what could have been’ fantasies leave us feeling disoriented, as a love story began but its completion was circumvented.

It’s a common theme for today’s singles to lose sleep over what they almost had or could have had because they don’t know what they’re missing out on. They don’t even know how wonderful or awful what they lost out on is, and a part of them might always wonder.

The psychological mechanisms of the pain we’re in is actually quite fascinating. Even as children, we were always the most upset when we felt teased or tantalized. When your mom snatched that lollipop right out of your hands when you were only on your third lick, you’d cry and cry and cry. You expected you’d be savoring that lollipop for a while, and you were just getting started when it was suddenly taken away from you. If you got to finish the lollipop, you’d still be sad when it was gone, but the sadness wouldn’t compare to the former scenario since you at least got to finish it.

As adults, we often fall for the dangling carrot. The unattainable reward (the “carrot”) seems to be within reach, but it’s an illusion. A player has memorized the good guy lines and will create the illusion of attainability (the carrot dangling on the string) to keep their prey perpetually chasing it. They are allowing you to think a relationship is possible, plausible, or in the works.

In my modern dating advice book, I explain why it’s crucial to discover someone’s intent early on, and why it’s a mistake to date unavailable people. Emotionally unavailable people have the wrong intent, as they don’t actually intend on the relationship getting serious. They don’t intend on it getting past the “almost”, or letting things progress to the stage you hope for.

It’s much worse when your almost-someone was filling your head with a witch’s brew of lies, perfectly concocted to lead you to believe your story was special, real, and just beginning. If they were leading you on by painting a beautiful picture, illustrating what the two of you were going to have together, the incomplete story can be incredibly unsettling – and it will haunt you.

In the most twisted of scenarios, the painter has sinister intent, knowing that the prettier the picture they paint, the tighter the hold they’ll have on you. They want you to think a relationship is brewing so that they can have temporary control over you. They’ll encourage you to step into the fantasy, and if a picture is being painted to reel you in rather than jumping in themselves, then the intent was never to move past the “almost”. The intent is evil if the feelings weren’t as strong as were portrayed, because the minute someone decides to play games with your heart, they’ve crossed over to the dark side.

Encouraging you to trust them and encouraging you to fall for them is a special kind of abuse. If this happened to you, I think your silver lining should be the anticipation of their karmic retribution.

An almost-relationship is like a really great romance novel that sucked you in with a captivating preface, but the rest of the story was unwritten. When a real relationship unfolds, however, it has a beginning, some great chapters that you’d definitely re-read, a climax, and an ending – complete with closure. Your story wasn’t a story at all, it was just fake news.

Some almost-relationships are heartbreaking in their own extra-disappointing way when it wasn’t given a real shot, and you’ll never know if your fantasy could have been your reality had you both given it a real shot. The nights you’ll lie awake missing something you never had is suffering unlike the demise of a real relationship to which you gave your all. This is especially true if, in life, you don’t like to do anything half-assed.

A real relationship is fondly remembered as a valuable life experience that gifted you with amazing memories to hold dear, important lessons learned, and something concrete that your time and energy were put towards. Even if it didn’t last, the difference is that it’s typically not considered a waste of time. It was meaningful. It was something.

On the other hand, an almost-relationship feels much more like time lost or wasted, as your real feelings were wasted on something counterfeit. You invested so much time and energy, and yet you never got to reap any of the benefits. You never got your return on investment. It was, in essence, a scam. And, when your heart was invested in someone, it doesn’t matter if you ever “really” dated or not. The pain is intense because your heart was on the line, and because you got gipped. Conned. Duped. Let’s face it: You’ve been bamboozled.

An almost-relationship doesn’t require a proper breakup, either. That means you often won’t get closure, which makes it more difficult to move on. In a real relationship, mutual respect is a given, and a respectful breakup with explanations and closure is typically part of the deal. This is why getting over what could have been, or what almost was, can come with extra pain rather than less pain. The sense of almost having something amazing is much more emotionally traumatizing than having it for a while and accepting that your time is up.

There are several types of almost-relationships: The couple who never gave it a full shot; The fake-out where one person presents themselves as relationship material but turns out to be a player in disguise; the casual daters who act like they’re more but insist they’re less; the couple who almost made it work, but allowed outside influence to sway them; the relationship where someone was disingenuous and exploring other options on the side; the relationship where someone just couldn’t give it their all; the relationship where trust was broken due to some form of deceit early on; the relationship where not enough effort was put forth.

There are infinite types of almost-relationships, and each is its own special kind of pandemonium.

Sometimes the way someone treats you, in the beginning, is what labels it an almost-relationship. It could have been the real deal, and the word “almost” could have been removed had you been treated the way you deserve to be treated. Similarly, the “almost” could have been removed had the appropriate amount of effort been put forth, or if other options were put on hold while he was giving it a real shot with you. Perhaps it was you who made the mistake of settling for “almost” whenever their actions almost met your needs. While there’s always a chance that some sort of grand gesture could salvage everything, it’s best to move on rather than holding your breath for that. If it looks like things are never going to move past the “almost”, here’s how you get over it and move on:

1. Remember how much you hate games.

It was an “almost” relationship for a reason. Some sort of game was being played, or you were being played, or the whole thing was a feigned romance disguised as something real. It could almost be thought of as a romance scam.

It was a game if they exaggerated their feelings in order to tighten their hold on you, and that’s the root of most almost-relationships. Remember how much you hate games, and remember that what you really want is someone who is true, real, and authentic.

One day, you’ll meet a truth-teller who doesn’t pull stunts, or concoct a witch’s brew or bring out your frustrated and angry mode. One day, you’ll meet someone who doesn’t play games and is instead consistent with their behavior, which allows you to relax and be yourself. Someone who doesn’t play games is allowing you to be your fun, sexy, carefree, light-hearted self. Think of it this way: What you really want is to be true to someone, and to have someone be true to you. Why read fake news when you could be reading a romance novel?

2. Remind yourself that you’ve blurred what could have happened with what would have happened.

Perhaps you fantasized about how fun your dates would have been, how romantic that weekend getaway would have been, and how it would have felt to get closer and more intimate with him or her.

Don’t forget, though, that what could have happened isn’t necessarily what would have happened. Perhaps everything he or she promised really was all talk, and none of your fantasies would have ever played out or become cherished memories. Remember that when someone can talk the talk that well, it usually means they can’t walk the walk at all.

3. Recognize the importance of not allowing someone to lead you on.

You’ve learned many valuable lessons, one being the importance of not allowing someone to lead you on. It’s incredibly easy for anyone to memorize the good guy lines, and feed them to you in an effort to lead you on and get their hooks into you.

An important takeaway from this pain that you’re experiencing at the hands of Satan is the importance of self-control. It requires self-control not to get swept up in the lines you’re being fed. Master self-control and nobody will ever succeed in leading you on again.

4. Forget how they make you feel and remember what you deserve.

He or she might give you all the feels. The connection, the chemistry, and the warm fuzzies. But that doesn’t mean you can forget how you deserve to be treated or forget what you deserve. Remember that you want to be loved and chosen, not almost loved, or almost chosen. Forget how you feel about this person and remember what you deserve.

5. Commend yourself for your bravery instead of calling yourself “dumb” or “gullible.”

You weren’t dumb for wasting your precious time on this person. You weren’t gullible for believing what he or she said. You were brave. Fearless, in fact. If you bravely took a leap of faith despite being skeptical and despite everyone telling you to run away, this very clearly demonstrates a few great qualities about you.

You clearly believe in love. You give people the benefit of the doubt. You believe that people are inherently good, and have good intentions. You’re willing to take a leap of faith, hoping that they turn out to be exactly who they say they are. You’re hopeful, not hopeless.

6. Go on dates.

You’re not going to want to go on dates. You’re going to think there’s no point because nobody will compare to them – but you’re wrong. And if you don’t believe me, line up some dates and see what happens. If you’re not quite ready to date yet, that’s fine. Take some time for yourself, but know that going on dates with other people will help you get past the pain. One man’s “almost” is another man’s “choice”. Plus, what are the odds you’ll meet another con artist?

7. Remind yourself of how easy it should be.

The right person will be consistent, put forth the appropriate amount of effort, and make everything feel easy, natural, and effortless. The word “almost” indicates complications. It’s complicated if it’s an almost-relationship. It becomes complicated when someone’s patterns of communication are inconsistent.

Typically, the reason things get complicated is that you choose to stay with someone who isn’t treating you the way you want them to treat you. It’s the act of choosing to pursue someone who isn’t capable of treating you the right way that inherently complicates everything.

8. Think about what you should have been spending your time and energy on.

So, you wasted your time investing in this almost-relationship, right? What should you have been spending your time on? Perhaps you should have been spending more time in the gym or on the tennis court, or spending more of your energy on your passion project or entrepreneurial endeavors.

Perhaps you should have been giving more of your time to your friends and family. All of this wasted time spent thinking about and pursuing this almost-relationship serves as a great reminder of where your time is better spent.

So, start investing in things that really matter, now that this investment turned out to be a scam.

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Dating can be exciting, but sometimes you might meet someone who isn’t a great fit.

Now, before you think this is about judging people, it’s not. This is more about spotting potential red flags early on, so you can focus on finding someone who makes you happy and respects you.

The process was technically simple, sure. My ex and I were getting divorced without children, lawyers, or arguments over the division of assets. Emotionally, however, it was anything but.

We both thought our love would last. We enjoyed many happy years together, building supporting evidence that pointed toward forever. And then we started growing apart. We hurt each other. It came to a point where I could no longer stand to be touched by him. And the juxtaposition of 15 years of highs and lows set against a few minutes of paperwork dissolving all legal ties was truly astounding.

This whole roller coaster ride of love, marriage, break-up, divorce — it isn’t my first rodeo. I got married for the first time at 19 years old. It was an abusive relationship and I went into it knowing we were incompatible, but hoping we’d be able to work it out.

Now in my late thirties, fresh off my second divorce that I didn’t see coming, I have a lot to share about what makes a marriage thrive, and what kills it.

The weight of incompatibility

My 17-year-old son had his first serious breakup last year and it crushed him. Now he’s in a different relationship. He talks to me sometimes about the anxiety of his current girlfriend breaking up with him, even though they’re doing well. I told him that at any stage, whether you’re married or not, and no matter what age you are or how many relationships you’ve had, committing to someone always comes with the risk of things going sour.

Breakups and divorces can really hurt us. Traumatize us. They can break families apart, cause financial crises, and so much other harm. I shared all of this with my son. I wanted to be real with him, but I also wanted to give him something more optimistic, too: We do it because we love the person we’re with, so much so that we’re willing to risk getting hurt.

Both of my divorces were on the grounds of incompatibility, which is often used interchangeably with irreconcilable differences. It means the relationship is broken beyond repair. Or, at the very least, that neither party in the marriage wants to repair it.

In some relationships, each partner is well aware that there are incompatibilities. They discuss the issues, strike some compromises, and agree on what their marriage will look like in the future despite their differences. Maybe it’s something like wanting two children instead of four. Or a preference for city living versus the country lifestyle. Such couples might agree they’ll have three kids. Maybe they’ll find a quiet, woodsy suburb near the city that offers the best of both worlds. Even those major life differences, like religious or political beliefs, can be sorted through thoughtful communication, though it’s often more challenging. This was the case in my first marriage. I knew we’d face our fair share of challenges with our incompatibilities, but I thought (wrongly) that we could work through them.

In other relationships, however, these differences sneak up on you. When you’re with someone long enough, you both grow and change. As you experience more in life, you learn more. You develop new interests. You become older and wiser. All those things — the ups and downs, job stress, traumas, dramas, and even the good things — can change a person. Or, maybe one partner will grow and change while the other stays exactly the same. And then that becomes the problem.

Whether you knew about incompatibilities before the marriage, or if you’re dealing with major differences you never saw coming — many couples find themselves at a fork in the road at some point: stay together or part ways.

Can you navigate the incompatibilities together, or will doing so make one or both of you miserable? That’s the question so many married people find themselves asking at some point. And while it’s a question facing the couple, it’s also a question that each individual has to answer on their own.

Maybe you stay married, happily resolving your differences and healing the wounds that resulted from your incompatibilities. Or maybe divorce is the best way to go for all parties involved. Adults, kids — everyone. Because divorce doesn’t always break up your family. In my case, it can save it. The right decision is the decision that makes you, and therefore everyone around you, happier and healthier.

Clashing communication styles

It’s certainly possible to work through incompatibilities with your partner. It just depends on how much you can compromise without losing yourself and your happiness. More importantly, it depends on how you communicate the development of key shifts in your dynamic, as well as any changes to the relationship that need to be made.

When I started growing and changing, my partner remained much the same. I finished my degree, started a business, and got a better job to support us. I became the breadwinner and did more than my share of housework. He stayed in a job he didn’t like. He started expensive film projects that didn’t pan out. He left more of the chores — and more of the bills — for me to take care of.

The changes I did see from him throughout our relationship tended to have a negative impact on us. We kept growing apart in big and little ways.

For example, neither of us saw the Trump era coming. Those years really ripped into my ex and me. I started seeing my husband as someone who was OK with voting for a reality TV star who harassed women. Someone who loved the sport of guns despite the growing amount of pointless tragedies and violent loss of life. Someone who believed in conspiracy theories.

I started to resent him for it. For our growing list of major incompatibilities. And we didn’t know quite how to talk about all the changes. A major breakdown in communication was one of the many reasons my second marriage ended up not working out. I wanted to discuss it. My unhappiness and his, and the possible solutions. He often preferred staying quiet or avoiding the issues altogether.

Eventually, I wanted to explore polyamory together. Something I see now as a band-aid that I hoped would save us and didn’t. He preferred having a secret emotional affair where he could rant about me to the woman who got away. A woman he said he’d wished he’d married over settling for me. Even though we went to therapy to try to learn how to communicate better and heal our incompatibilities, our relationship had fractured in so many foundational ways by then that I no longer wanted to put us back together.

Relationships are living, evolving things that grow and change. Whether or not you and your spouse grow together and continue compromising lovingly and respectfully takes honesty, proper communication, and work. And if you aren’t willing to do the work and communicate, you’ll either stay together and be miserable, or you’ll part ways.

It’s up to both of you. At the same time, it’s up to just you. Because whether you stay together in the face of relationship calamity has to be, at the end of the day, a mutual decision. You’re still your own person — married or not

During our hearing, my ex agreed to divorce on the grounds of incompatibility. He could have fought it. He could have accused me of being at fault or asked for alimony. He could have done any number of things to slow or stop our divorce or simply make it more difficult for me. But in the end, he agreed when the magistrate asked the question — that we were indeed incompatible, and our marriage was beyond repair. He gave me that. He gave me my freedom. And because of that, I think we can remain friends.

After two divorces, I see now more than ever that sometimes we change and shift in ways that push us farther apart from our significant others. Different interests, forms of communication, arguing styles, libidos, desires, and ways of sharing affection — these kinds of differences can all cause a couple to misplace the love it takes to work at staying together.

I think the most common thing that happens, though, is that people think they can compromise, and then end up becoming very unhappy while trying.

Their intentions are good. They truly believe they’ll be able to figure it out together, whatever “it” is. They try new things. New dates. Couples classes. Therapy. Relationship styles. But incompatibilities are not always salvageable.

What I told my son — that a relationship always comes with the risk of breaking apart, no matter how long you’ve been together or how much experience you’ve had — that’s the key. You can’t know every detail of the future the day you get married. Your relationship will grow and change. And understanding that you don’t have to force it to continue doesn’t have to be a scary, depressing thing.

Marriage is not always forever, and that’s okay. Learning that is incredibly liberating, actually. Understanding that no relationship is immortal means understanding that you have to properly care for it and nurture it. You have to be flexible and work together if you want to stay in a happy, healthy marriage. And even when we do stay married or in a domestic partnership, we are still individuals. We have individual needs, desires, and ways of getting through challenges. Understanding that is a couple’s best chance at staying together in this crazy thing we call love.

That is … until I got engaged. Dean’s proposal wasn’t a surprise. I was too nosey to not know it was happening, and I enthusiastically said yes the moment he asked.

However, once it happened (sweetly and thoughtfully, I should add), I began to feel these nagging questions eating away at me: Did I want to be married? Would we be any good at it?

I love Dean, but in the bright light of wedding planning, I found myself picking him apart. Every minor misstep seemed like a warning sign urging me to think twice.

When he got my coffee order wrong, I accused him of never listening to me; when he was running late the night we had dinner plans with my friends, I screamed that he didn’t value my time.

He usually fell asleep before me and he woke up early, which I used as an example of our lives being out of sync. Everyday things that never mattered before were suddenly turning into major crises. 

The nagging doubt I was feeling was also being fed by external sources. Two of my close friends had recently divorced their husbands, and my best friend at work was finalizing her split at the same time as I was deep in the throes of planning my union. 

Side by side, we would be on the telephone: me with the caterers, her with her attorney. On their good days, my newly single friends were excited for me and Dean, but on their bad days, they were cautiously critical of the institution of marriage. They had their horror stories and they didn’t always filter them for my benefit.

It seemed everyone — my friends, the characters in my book club book to newsmakers (John Edwards, Mel Gibson, David Letterman, and um, Tiger!) — were having affairs or leaving their spouses. 

I watched eHarmony commercials and wondered how I could know that we were meant to be together if we were never paired by experts based on the nine dimensions of compatibility.

What if we were horribly, dreadfully mismatched? Shouldn’t I need to pass a test or write an essay to prove that I was up for the challenge of marriage? Shouldn’t it be harder than this to commit my life to someone? 

I spun myself up more than a dozen times weighing all the pros and cons (in an Excel spreadsheet, no less) and fretting over the unknowns.

It ultimately took a short vacation and a few bottles of wine for me to realize that I was not my friend. Their relationships are not mine, and their fears, their fights, and their fractured relationships have helped me see my and Dean’s strengths.

Like so many people, we have our differences: he loves seafood, I’m allergic; I love cats, he’s allergic. But thanks to nasal spray and air filters, he now lives with my cats, and when I cave into his craving for sushi, he takes me to a place that has great chicken dishes.

These are small things, and they can certainly get lost in the day-to-day rush, but when I look at everything that makes us work, from our shared desire to have one child to our favorite vacation destination, it’s not one big thing that makes Dean the One; it’s a thousand little things that add up to a whole lot.

As one of my girlfriends put it, when I asked her why she thought Dean and I were so good together, “I like that you’re always you with him. Dean loves you for you. The only difference is that with him, you are a happier, kinder version of yourself.”

As hard as it may be in this day and age of Facebook affairs and celebrity annulments, I also have to remind myself of all the positive marriages I have seen.

If you put down the gossip rags and spend five minutes not trying to find reasons to doubt marriage, you’ll see solid couples that take it one day at a time, quietly and consistently striving to make their relationships work.

I know that I don’t need marriage but I do want it. I don’t need a husband to make me happy or fulfill me, but I feel fortunate to have someone in my life who is committed to me and wants to leap.

I have my friends to thank for teaching me that I can’t put our relationship on cruise control after the big day and hope for the best. I know that I am not guaranteed a happily ever after, but I am willing to work with him on one

David Robson asks him how cultural and technological shifts are changing our relationships.

Technology offers us many new opportunities for meeting romantic or sexual partners, but has this altered our overall attitudes to dating and relationships?

To find out, science writer David Robson spoke to Paul C Brunson, head of global research at Tinder and author of the new book Find Love: How to Navigate Modern Love and Discover the Right Partner for You.

Is it true that finding a partner is harder now than ever before?

Finding a partner has always been a very important decision, but based on the research for this book, I do believe that finding and keeping love today is harder than any point in human history. One reason is that today, we have more variations of what is considered an acceptable relationship.

You can be monogamous or in a polyamorous relationship, living together or living apart – there are dozens and dozens of acceptable forms. And that makes finding the partner to match your end goal more challenging.

Secondly, we demand more from our partner than ever before. Formerly, it was the person to help protect or raise the child, or to tend the farm. Then, as you move through the ages, it became someone who would be a companion.

But now – as [psychologist] Eli Finkel discusses in his research – we’ve reached a point of “self-evolution”, where we are searching for everything out of our partner. We want them to be our intellectual equal, we want them to be the CEO of the business that we launch, we want them to be a great co-parent, we want them to be a phenomenal sex partner.

How about technology? Some people seem to feel overwhelmed by the opportunities of meeting new people.

We fool ourselves into the paradox of choice. We believe that we have endless options. But in actuality, if you downloaded 100 dating apps, how many actual dates could you get that week? It’s limited, so we don’t have as many choices as we believe.

In your book, you describe another apparent paradox: the fact that on average, people are less happy with their relationships, but the top 20% – those who are the most happy with their partners – are even more content than they had been. How do you explain that?

Many marriages now have low satisfaction, and there’s a variety of reasons. For example, we are aware that there’s more choice and believe the grass is greener, and we also have more knowledge.

You can take an assessment of attachment style online, for example, and figure out whether or not you or your partner are paired in a strong way.

That could create doubts about the relationship?

Right, a lot of people are disgruntled. But some people are using these tools to their advantage. They are trying to figure out the void in their relationship, so they can make it better.

They are inspiring each other to work on their wellbeing. This means there is a smaller percentage of people with high satisfaction, and a large percentage with, unfortunately, lower satisfaction.

You mentioned attachment styles. How do they reflect our childhood experiences with our caregivers, and how do they influence our adult relationships?

You have secure attachment, which is essentially someone who, when their caregiver was absent, felt secure and were able to self-soothe.

They knew their caregiver would come back. Then you have the anxious attachment style: if the caregiver left the room and came back, they would have a hard time restabilising, because they’re anxious that the caregiver could leave again.

There’s the avoidant attachment style: if the caregiver left the room and came back, the child doesn’t care, because they believe that the caregiver doesn’t really care about them, and so they can only rely on themselves.

The fourth category is “disorganised”, which is a combination of avoidant and anxious.

The way that we attached as children is often how we attach as adults to our loved ones. So you can see someone who has an anxious style is always concerned that their partner is going to leave.

Someone who has an avoidant style is not going to be emotionally open to their partner. A secure style is essentially going to be healthier.

Attachment styles have become very popular, but it’s important to be aware of the cultural differences and the cultural nuances. A child who is considered anxious in one area may be considered secure in another, because of how the child is raised differently.

Given your work at Tinder, what kinds of errors are people making in their approaches to online dating?

There are several mistakes. One is not doing the work ahead of time to identify the relationship goal. Because there are so many types of variations.

We’ve now built a feature into Tinder that allows you to select your relationship goal. Because, if you’re looking for a long-term partner, but I’m looking for a short-term partner, and we enter a relationship, it’s going to be disastrous.

Another big problem is that the photos are atrocious. People don’t have recent photos, so when they show up on the date, they look nothing like the picture. It can seem like they are intentionally catfishing – but they’re not.

You know, when I joined Tinder two years ago, I had to open an account to see what it was all about, and I loaded a photo that was probably 12 years old. Now the person [I was working with] at Tinder said Paul, you don’t look like that.  All of us think we look like we did 10 years ago, but we don’t.

You should have three to five photos – one that shows a genuine smile, one that shows your full body, and some photos of you doing something that you’re passionate about.

Last but not least, include some “beige flags” on your profile. These are the things that people may perceive as quirky, but you own it. One beige flag that I might [personally] give is that every month I play Dungeons and Dragons.

A lot of people might make generalisations, and turn away. But then there would be another group that will be interested. And the fact that I have included my beige flag shows how much self-esteem I have, because I’m putting it out there.  

Are there any big generational differences in dating?

We have to understand that Gen Z in your city or country may be different from the Gen Z population in another city or country, but there are generational differences. And one of the things I love is that they value authenticity.

In our research at Tinder, we found that the number one determinant as to whether or not they wanted a second date was whether they felt comfortable being themselves with their partner, whereas in all previous generations, physical attraction was number one.

Now, physical attraction was still number two [for Gen Z], but we’re making strides.

Paul C Brunson’s book Find Love: How to Navigate Modern Love and Discover the Right Partner for You is published by Vermilion.

*David Robson is an award-winning science writer. His next book is The Laws of Connection: 13 Social Strategies That Will Transform Your Life, to be published by Canongate (UK) and Pegasus Books (USA & Canada) in June 2024. He is @d_a_robson on X and @davidarobson  on Instagram and Threads.

I’ll Never Fall In Love Again. That song is all about feeling disappointed after a failed romance, and it ends with the wryly self-aware lines, “So for at least until tomorrow, I’ll never fall in love again.”

Here are 7 sad reasons women think they’ll never find true love:

1. They’re hurting

It doesn’t take a genius IQ to know that giving up on love is often a reaction to feeling deeply hurt and disenchanted. 

The women who have invested the most in a failed relationship who have got their fingers the most badly burnt. Not falling in love again is a way of protecting themselves in the future.

2. They confuse the issue

Falling in love is not the problem. The real issue is falling in love with the wrong person. It’s all about missing the warning signs, not seeing the red flags, not hearing the warning bells, whistles, and sirens.

Giving up on love says, “I don’t believe there’s another way of doing this thing called love, so the only option I have is to wash my hands of it.”

3. They lack self-awareness

Women who fall for a “bad boy” tend to do so more than once. When a relationship goes wrong, you need time to lick your wounds. Then, it’s time to look at patterns like the kind of person you’re attracted to, how you act in a relationship, the expectations and dreams you bring to the table, what you choose to ignore, and much more. Unaware love is often ignorant love. It pays to have a clear sight of yourself and your prospective partner before you dive into the romance.

4. They take it too personally

Of course, you can learn something from failed relationships. But too many women learn the misguided lesson they’re less attractive and worthy human beings than women who’ve managed to find a lasting relationship.

A far more useful lesson is that failure means they’re simply doing something wrong. That isn’t a disaster because you can always learn to change your behavior.

5. They give up too soon

No baby ever got up onto its little wobbly legs, took one faltering step, fell on its face, and said, “That’s it, I’m done. I’m through with walking!”

Some people are naturally better at creating good relationships than others. But any woman can master the art of having a great relationship.

You may have to fall on your face once or twice. That’s normal. It’s all part of the learning experience. But if you keep “falling on your face”, get some help to figure out how you can change that.

6. They send out the wrong message

That “I hate all men” message is putting you at risk. There’s a special kind of man who will approach the woman sporting the big “Stay “Away” banner. That man is the Hunter. He piques his vanity and strokes his large ego to win over the woman who has sworn off men.

For him, it’s all about the thrill of the chase. You’re flattered he’s going to such an effort to woo you, but beware. Once he’s caught up with you, he’ll soon get bored and move on. The chase is his thing — not cozy domesticity.

7. They think they will never want love again

Women who give up on love do so — for a while — because they love too much and want a partner so much. That yearning isn’t going to go away.

Whatever they say now, they’re not going to enter a nunnery, and they will want to search for love again. They can silence that yearning for a while, but it will come back even stronger than before.

Instead, they need to ask themselves, “Since love is so important to me, how can I do things differently next time? What’s the most powerful thing I can do to change the way I ‘do’ relationships so I find the love I truly want next time?”

The yearning for love is a powerful human drive. When we try to suppress it, it only comes back stronger.

The polls may say what they please, but the reality is that the vast majority of women need to feel loved. Giving up on love won’t make you happy and won’t work.

Taking a sabbatical from love while you become the woman who can captivate and keep her perfect partner makes a lot more sense.

You don’t have to give up on something simply because you don’t know the best way to do it. It makes much more sense to learn a simple skill to turn your love life around.

Despite the long duration of their relationship, Feli Nuna claimed she does not feel pressured to get married until she and her partner are mentally prepared.

According to the ‘Love Me Now’ composer, she was with her partner even before her rise to fame. Nonetheless, they have had their fair share of troubles.

Their relationship started with the initial excitement of the ‘butterfly stage’ but gradually navigated through challenges including personal choices and growth, tight schedules, traveling and work-related issues.

However, Feli Nuna said they are currently in a good place in their relationship.

She added that, they have become best friends and feel intertwined with each other’s lives, with their families also forming a close bond over the years.

While Feli Nuna is not opposed to the idea of marriage and having children, but she believes she has to be mentally ready for such a significant commitment.

With her busy schedule and dedication to her work, she wants to ensure that she can balance her career and family life effectively before she takes the huge leap.

Until then, Feli Nuna said they are content with their relationship and the bond they share.

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At first, I never paid him any mind. When he greeted me every morning, I’d reply in my usual chirpy self. The managing partner assigned him as my supervisor, which meant I would report to him and spend most of my time shadowing him.

He did his work diligently and any time he had a court attendance, he’d take me with him regardless of the distance. I came to learn that he also lived near my home so he’d give me a ride every evening. For me, I took this as a good gesture, not thinking that he was warming his way into my life.

“You know, I’ve never been to Olepolos.” He remarked as we drove home one day.

“Really? It’s a nice place.” I answered oblivious of what he was hinting at.

“I’m looking for somewhere to go this weekend. Have you been there?”

“Yes.”

“Do you mind accompanying me?”

It wasn’t uncommon for the staff to go on lunches every month. So, I agreed thinking he was scouting for places to host a company retreat. I also assumed he would invite other people from the firm or even the boss. On the day of, he came home to pick me up and we embarked on the long journey to Olepolos alone. I didn’t mind since we always had good conversations and I enjoyed his company. We made a detour to stock up on snacks then proceeded to the destination.

After several hours, we were at the beautiful location. It was more breathtaking than I remembered. The staff told us that it underwent a major facelift. We settled at the terrace and ordered the usual – lots of meat and drinks. The ambience was so good that I didn’t mind having a few drinks. Jeff was a perfect gentleman and didn’t bring up anything inappropriate the entire time we were there. We simply enjoyed each other company and finally, I started seeing his other side – the charmer.

He asked me to be his girlfriend soon after that day and I agreed. While at the office, we maintained a professional relationship though some of the staff were starting to get suspicious. It carried on for several months until I finished my internship. I had performed well as an intern and since I was looking for permanent employment, they decided to hire me.

I was ecstatic but my joy was short-lived when my boss summoned me to his office. As he briefed me on my new responsibilities, he dropped a bombshell.

“I know you and Jeff had a relationship outside of work.”

My heart dropped. I couldn’t reply so I sat quietly with my head down.

“There’s nothing wrong with that. However, as you know, he’s a married man and I wouldn’t want anyone’s personal life interfering with my work. The last thing I want is drama in front of my high-profile clients. Am I clear?” He asked, friendly but firm.

I nodded my head and when the meeting came to an end, I left his office feeling slightly disjointed. I barely concentrated for the rest of the day and all I wanted was to let Jeff know that we couldn’t continue with the relationship, especially now that I was his colleague. However, I couldn’t do it. I had fallen for him deeply and was willing to throw everything away for this relationship. It was one of my dumbest moments.

I let him know about the conversation I had with the boss instead of breaking up with him. He took it rather lightly than I expected which made me feel even more comfortable.

“Don’t worry, babes. Nobody’s going to cause any drama.” He assured me.

We started becoming more open with the relationship even at the office. He bought me flowers, hugged me every morning, and even held my hand as we left for the day. It felt good since the other girls envied me. Also, Jeff treated me like a queen and he didn’t care who opposed the relationship – not even the boss.

Well, I quickly learned why business and pleasure don’t mix on one fateful day. I was going about my work as usual until a woman clutching a young child walked into the office. No one seemed to know who she was but she seemed familiar with the place. As the receptionist enquired about her, Jeff left his office hurriedly and made his way to the reception.

They both stood silently staring at each other until all hell broke loose.

“Where is she? Where is that so-called babes?” she yelled.

I knew this was the drama my boss had warned me about and somehow, I was prepared for it. Jeff tried to deescalate the situation but the woman was out for blood. They talked at the reception for a few minutes then the door to our office space swung open and she stood at the entrance like a hunter looking for his prey. Finally, she locked eyes with me and knew who I was.

“It’s you, isn’t it?” she asked. “You’re the one making my husband spend countless nights away from home without even bothering to know what we’re eating.”

By this time, Jeff had also made his way back to the main office space and was standing between me and his wife. I looked at him waiting for him to say something after assuring me that nobody would cause drama but he remained silent. I knew better than to open my mouth as well since it would make the situation worse. Eventually, the security guards came and took her outside but not before a sizable crowd had gathered outside the office due to the commotion.

Soon, everybody knew me as the “homewrecker” and I had to find another workplace for the sake of my well-being. Jeff and I continued to see each other but it ended after a year since we weren’t on the same page about the future of the relationship.

Mouths are one of the first focal points on the human body our eyes are drawn to, almost instinctively, since speech is the main form of communication we use.

Society defines one’s natural state of beauty in part by our facial features. A lot of unnecessary emphasis is placed on the value of a great-looking smile.

Any damage or malformation to the composing structures significantly impacts the worth: lips, teeth, tongue, jaw bone, and palate are all factors in determining the level of perfection.

Not everyone is blessed with good genetics, though, and not are all people entitled to free dental care, which means maintaining a beautiful smile is a daily battle for the majority of our citizens. 

It creates a whole slew of self-esteem and insecurity issues based on this romanticized ideal of beauty encapsulating the perceptions we form of ourselves and others. People can be very shallow when it comes to picking a life partner.

Many relationships have ended after revealing one wears partials or dentures, though they’re far too young to qualify for the Senior Discount at the local diner.

Men, especially, are typically disgusted and adversely turned off by a woman with a crooked smile more so than an imperfect body frame.

More often than not, there’s a direct association between poor oral health and illicit drug use. That isn’t always the case, though.

There are many reasons why people have unappealing mouths besides crack cocaine and methamphetamine use — from prescription medications to bacterial infections, bad oral hygiene to chronic disorders, and everything in between.

With a lack of coverage by health insurance providers, today’s dental care is often more like a luxury item for some people.

Couple that with the bad-for-your-body foods and beverages our nation is obsessed with, and you have millions of people out there desperately wishing they could afford to maintain a perfect smile. Like me.

I would trade numerous other body parts in exchange for a healthy mouth that smiles beautifully. My poor husband is stuck with an almost completely toothless wife who needed dentures before the age of 30. 

I’m not talking about just one or two teeth that needed to be pulled; over 90 percent of my teeth have been pulled. 

There are only a few bottom front teeth left in my mouth. Because of that, I’m far from the stereotypical image of beauty.

Looking this way I do has done a number on my psyche over the past year and a half. I’m one loose thread away from unraveling at the seams with embarrassment and shame. Dentures aren’t covered on my menial dental plan and I can’t afford them out of pocket. 

I was first diagnosed with weak teeth because of a genetic disorder that causes my body to hog my calcium intake to form bone spurs along my spinal column.

Then, to top it all off, I suffered from hyperemesis gravidarum all nine months of each of my four pregnancies.

The constant throwing up only bathed my already weak teeth in stomach acid over and over again. Brushing my teeth after each puke session only stopped the acid from continuing to eat away at the enamel, but it couldn’t prevent the acid from coming in contact with my teeth and working its magic in the first place.

Within a year of my last child’s birth, I began losing my teeth at an alarming rate until there were only a few remaining. Now, almost five years later, I’m left to feel the consequences of having a very imperfect smile while living in a culture that’s obsessed with beauty.

It’s quite obvious when talking to me that I’m missing the majority of my pearly whites, and people find it hard not to stare.

It’s like being a piece of abstract art on display in a museum: people squint and scrunch to try and figure out just what they’re looking at.

By all other appearances, I don’t present myself like the typical dope fiend — and of course, I’m not — but that’s the only thing strangers presume to be true. 

My self-esteem drops a smidgen more with every tooth I’ve had to have pulled. It has been a hard reality to swallow at such a young age.

I find myself caught in the whirlwind of stereotypes and ideals, sating my ego down as if it’s to blame for losing my beauty — one painful, rotted tooth at a time. 

I’ve tumbled down a slippery path of fear and self-loathing and have consciously withdrawn from society and taken shelter, hidden away from prying eyes and sideways looks cast by scornful, presumptuous faces. 

Yet, against all the stereotypes that are gnawing away at my confidence and self-esteem, my husband remains by my side.

He still thinks I’m beautiful and makes sure I know it. He doesn’t let one tiny genetic failure define how he sees me or his perception of beauty.

I’m more than my appearance to my husband. I’m more than what society tells him he should value in me. I’m his best friend, his wife, and the mother of his children, and he’s attracted to the woman who has taken on each of those roles with grace and dignity.

My husband fights every day to show me I’m worth something beyond the smile that has faded from my face. I may not feel it myself, but knowing he’s still attracted to me lifts me, encourages me, and gives me hope. It takes a very special person to love someone so broken on the outside and inside.

He has stayed by my side when I expected him to want to go. My husband could have found my looks as disgusting and unappealing as the rest of the world, but he didn’t. He chose to look past my deformity and love me regardless of looking different. That, in and of itself, is the epitome of a very good man.

What luck that was lost on my teeth surely was made up for in the man I call my husband. Though I still struggle to accept my own fate, I have found the strength to persevere because of the man by my side.

He’s the reason I still look in the mirror and smile my gummy grin in private because I’m determined to find the will to love myself and be confident in my appearance once again.

Even if I’m an aberration of beauty, I’m still a beautiful soul.

He was so charming and sweet spoiling me silly and we had become lovers after 2 months. He was already talking about how I was the woman of his dreams and he had found his future wife.

My friends told me that our relationship was moving too fast. But it’s very difficult to speak sense to a woman in love. So I ignored them and focused on the love that was blossoming between me and Miles. I was finally happy. Happily in love.

I spent a lot of time on my phone talking and chatting with him. The emojis in our messages could tell it all. If it wasn’t the kisses emoji, it would be a heart one and if not, well you can guess the other ones.

“Hi love,” he texted me one evening as I was chilling at my place after coming home from work.

“Hi, love. How was your day?” We hadn’t caught up the whole day so I was curious about his day.

He told me that he had a busy but hectic day. Then he invited me for a meal with the words that he knew I’d love to hear.

“I want to cook for your dinner tonight. What do you say?” He asked.

“Of course, it’s a yes.”

This wasn’t the first time he had cooked for me. He made delicious meals and I knew I was in for a treat.

Every day, Miles would do something to make me smile. He knew all the little things that would me happy. He was also very open with me about what was on his mind.

I freshened up and headed to his place. I knew the evening would be a good one. One with interesting stories and fun. Did I tell you that he was a good conversationalist and he had a wicked sense of humour?

To be a good guest, or at least add flavour to the night that he wanted to make special, I passed by the mall and bought some wine. Just in case a need arose. I also bought snacks so that if we decided to watch a romantic movie like it was the norm, we would be sorted.

As I was finishing up with the payment at the cashier, I saw a message pop up on the notification bar. It was him. I wondered what he had texted. I dragged the message down to read it.

“Do you remember the request I made earlier this week?” The text read.

Of course, I did remember. How could I forget any conversation with the man who turned my world around? I just could not.

He had asked me for a financial favour. Something that really touched my heart and I just needed to know when he wanted the money so that I could borrow a loan for him. He told me that he was willing for us to start a life together but being that he wasn’t financially stable, he needed to work on that first and then our relationship could move to the next level.

So I asked him, “What’s your plan then?”

To which he gave very reasonable options he had considered. “I have two plans. One is to get the better job I am eyeing, and the second is for me to start a business. The first one isn’t guaranteed. But the second one could just take us to the goal faster.” He said.

Later on, I sat and thought about the whole thing and realized that this guy had a great plan. It would allow us to have a better life together, if everything went according to plan. I didn’t doubt it because he had a business plan laid out. He had even made a consultation with business experts and got some really good feedback. He was requesting me to partner with him or rather lend him some of the money so that he could get things off the ground. He would pay me back with interest.

“How much would be enough for the business?” I inquired after a few days of thinking things through.

“1 million would be enough.” He responded.

I was shocked. “Whoa! That’s a lot of money.” I did not expect it to be that much.

“Yeah, it’s a lot but I would be able to expand really fast.”

“And how much will you raise so that I see how much I will be required to bring?” I asked curiously.

“It’s actually 2 million, I already have the other half. I am short by three hundred thousand but I will get that from a loan I have applied for. It is just taking some time.” He said.

“Wow. Nice. I can see that you have planned yourself well.”

As I entered the car heading there, I knew that though we had so many special nights in the past, this one would be special in a unique way because we’d be making our financial plans. I got excited even more.

On arrival, he opened the door, took the shopping and gave me a warm hug. As we exchanged pleasantries while walking over to the living room, the aroma of beef stew hit me. It smelled nice and I actually could not wait to sit down and eat.

“This food must have been ready when you invited me,” I said teasingly.

“Nope. You know how fast I can be when cooking.” He defended himself.

“How fast was that? Like I did not even take 40 minutes to reach here.”

“Yeah, you are right. Forty minutes is enough to prepare dinner. I got you.” He said.

After a few minutes of stories and cuddles, we had dinner. Rice and beef stew. Plain simple but made with love. Then came wine and the main conversation of the night. We figured out that the faster, the better. The earlier he started the business the better.

He had already acquired the loan he said he would get. At hand, he had 1 million Kenyan shillings. He showed me his bank statement. Something that convinced me that my delay would be a hindrance to the good life that we could be living right now.

I did not have that money right now. But I could get him a loan. Seeing all the plans he had to ensure that we had a better life was enough motivation to make me take such a step. The next day, I applied for a loan from my Sacco. It only took a week to get the loan.

What followed was a transfer of the money to his bank account. I transferred the 1 million to his account knowing that the plan would roll out immediately. In a week, things would be up and running.

A week went by and I had not seen him making any concrete moves. The second week I had to ask what was up.

“Hey, when was the business to start? I thought everything was ready for the start immediately the funds arrived.”

“Next week. Things would start rolling next week.” He said.

“What kept you from starting this week?” I asked him.

This was money that I’d be paying out for a very long time. If there was anything that was delaying the process of starting that business, I needed to know.

“Nothing, there was a supplier that I needed to make the supplies. He’s trusted in the business.” He assured me that things would be up and running once the supplier delivered.

“Okay.”

I was not sure how to feel about the whole thing but I trusted him. After a month and nothing had happened I started to feel uneasy. I remembered how the plan was laid out and how everything was just waiting for the funds I’d bring to the table.

I was starting to be suspicious but my heart could not accommodate the thought of the worst happening. I kept believing that he was indeed waiting for a trusted supplier and that once he found him, he’d start the operations immediately.

But much as I wanted to be optimistic, other details were bothering me two months down the line. Why was it that there weren’t any premises for the business? Why were there no workers? It finally hit me after some investigation that Miles had no intention of actually opening this business. A reality that was too harsh for me to face. When I called him exactly a month from the day I had given him the loan, his phone was off. I called him for two days and his phone was still off. I panicked because I thought maybe something had happened to him.

When I told my friends about my fears, they reminded me of how they had warned me.

“There’s no way a prince charming would appear from nowhere. Even if he does, a genuine one would at least take time before asking such huge favours.”

I didn’t know what to do. “So what do you guys think?” I asked.

Hoping that they won’t tell me I had been conned and that he was a fake. But that’s exactly what they told me.

“Chances are high that the relationship was fake. He was looking for that 1 million from you. He has disappeared because he got what he wanted from you ” Meg said sympathetically.

“But he had the other 1 million, I even saw it with my own eyes.” I tried to explain.

“You’ve never heard of these cons? They work as a gang. They heap money in one account to fool you. That money wasn’t his.” Meg told me.

This realization left me shaking. The worst had come to pass. I had been conned a huge amount of money that I would have to pay for a long time.

When I tried to think about Miles and how well I knew him, I realized that I did not know him very well. I only knew his official name and I wasn’t even sure about where he was working. He said that he worked with an international NGO on a contract basis. I did not know his family. I had met some of his friends when clubbing but that was it.

I refused to accept defeat just yet. I went to his place to try to have a conversation with him. Maybe I was imagining my own things.

When I arrived and knocked on the door, a stranger opened the door.  I inquired about Miles and I was told that there wasn’t a Miles there. The stranger had just checked into the AirBnB. All the while, the place had been an Airbnb.

I found the owner of the place, who told me that Miles only booked the place occasionally. He had not stayed there the whole time. Turned out he only booked it when he invited me over and also a couple of other times.

How had I been blinded not to see Miles for who he was, a smooth, sweet-talking conman? I went and reported the case to the police, but there was little that could be done. The guy could not be traced. It would take a while before he was arrested. If they found him at all because now I wasn’t even sure he was who he told me he was.

I accepted that I would repay the loan and move on however painful it felt. I had been betrayed. My friends had told me to be careful and I didn’t listen. I could avoid all of this if I had just listened to them. I was heartbroken and I had lost a million bob.

Most of the time, you probably assume that guys only notice your body or some other aspect of your looks at first — and to a certain extent, that is often true.

However, your physical traits certainly aren’t the only things guys pay attention to. Whether you believe it or not, guys notice a lot more about a woman than just the obvious, external features. Take a look below to see some of the things guys pick up on when they’re talking to you.

Here are 11 small things guys notice about you, even if you think they don’t:

1. Your personality

Even the most stunning Megan Fox lookalike will not have much success in dating if her personality is vapid, cruel, or otherwise just bad. Though it may take guys a while longer to notice a bad personality versus a good one, they do eventually notice it. And that’s often what makes or breaks a man’s desire to date you long-term.

2. Your nails

Most of the time, we associate nail art with fashion choices that are more meant to impress ourselves or other women. But guys do notice if your nail game is on point. As one of my guy friends said, “Nails are a good indicator of whether or not a girl cares about herself.”

3. Your financial situation

This may not be the most politically correct thing for me to say, what do guys notice in women? If you’re loaded with money they may be more inclined to date you if you have a lot of cash in the bank.

There’s some good reason for this, too. While there are some guys out there who are okay with providing girls with money, most guys want to be sure that you aren’t with them for the cash alone.

4. How happy you are

No one likes a Debbie Downer, especially not a guy who’s looking for love. If you look morose, angry, or suspicious, guys won’t want to be around you.

5. Your self-esteem

Do you know how you can tell that the guy with the Ferrari who constantly boasts about cash in his bank is an insecure mess? Yes, the same goes with guys. This is doubly true among abusers, who often will purposefully seek out girls that they feel have low self-esteem for their next victim.

6. Your sense of style

People often think that fashion is something that only girls notice, but it’s not. It’s what guys notice in women. For some guys, the way you dress can be a major factor in whether or not they want to talk to you. Some might even have a thing for certain types of clothing, such as yoga pants or high heels.

7. How active your social life is

Just like girls love to date a guy who has a lot of friends and an active life, guys want to date a girl who’s well-liked as well. This doesn’t mean that you need to be Miss Congeniality, but it does mean that you need to have a life if you want to get a man.

8. How much common sense you have

If a guy wants to date for the long term, he will want to look for a girl who has common sense and is capable of handling her stuff without being babysat.

A girl who can’t think without making terrible mistakes in judgment isn’t attractive — at least, not if you’re looking for a serious relationship. Trust me when I say they notice this.

9. Your smile and your laughter

Both are things guys like to see a lot of and their absence is equally noticeable. There’s a reason why the girls who seem to be laughing all the time tend to get the most guys, you know!

10. Your scent

Most guys I know go a little bit crazy over the way a girl smells — perfume or otherwise. If you wear perfume, they’ll probably notice your signature scent. If you have a distinct smell, they’ll also notice that, too. It’s a good thing, too, since that tends to be the first of a person’s senses to trigger memory.

11. How open you are to love

Speaking from experience, I can tell you that what guys notice in women is if they are hostile towards men. On the other hand, if you’re very open to getting a new boyfriend, guys will be willing to talk to you. Go figure, right?

At 20 years old, I was making more money than most people who were twice my age and though I didn’t expect my partner to make as much, I wanted someone who didn’t rely on me for financial support.

Unfortunately, everyone I met didn’t have money and as soon as they found out that I was financially well off, they’d start asking for money.

I have nothing against helping someone who is struggling financially. However, it becomes a problem when it’s a constant thing or if you’re asking for money to go and spend it with your friends. That was the norm in my life when I was dating guys my age.

They never asked for money to start a business or pay for a course. It was always to go clubbing or buy clothes. I got tired of the constant begging so I decided to date someone older who I thought wouldn’t ask me for money.

One of the benefits of dating a guy in his 30s was that I didn’t have to worry about his financial situation. Most guys at that age had stable jobs and made good money. So, I assumed Trevor was the same.

Trevor had been pursuing me for a while but I was hesitant because of our age difference. He was 32 and I was 21 which I thought would turn him off. However, he didn’t think it was a big deal.

“Can you guess how old I am?” I asked him while on a date.

“27.” He answered confidently.

I laughed and said, “21.”

He was in disbelief and stared at me for a minute before saying, “You’ve accomplished a lot for your age.”

“Thanks.”

The date went well and I felt optimistic about our relationship. However, I made the mistake of paying for our meal which probably opened the doors for Trevor to start asking me for money.

It wasn’t like he was broke. On the contrary, Trevor was one of the most financially stable guys I knew. He had his own place, a nice car and a well-paying job but for whatever reason, he thought it was okay to ask me for money.

On our way home, we stopped at the petrol station where he asked me to pay for his fuel. Since I was still in a blissful mood, I removed my card from my wallet and, with a big smile on my face, I swiped it.

A week later, he invited me to his place. I was excited because, for once, the guy I was dating had his own place.

“Could you bring me a few things from the supermarket?” He asked over the phone.

“Sure. What do you need?” I said even though I didn’t want to.

“I’ll text you.”

He proceeded to send me a whole grocery list that amounted to over Ksh 8,000. It wasn’t a lot of money for me but I felt like he was taking advantage of the situation. Nonetheless, I bought him the things he had requested and even added a few more things to show him that I was a good catch. The pick-me energy was on overdrive at that time.

I showed up to his house with bags of groceries and the man didn’t even have the decency to prepare anything to eat – not even boiled eggs or sausages which don’t need any kind of skill.

“What are we eating?” I asked after realizing that he wasn’t going to offer me anything.

“Oh, are you hungry? I just ate but you can order something.”

I was hungry so I ordered a large pizza and soda which he ate almost all of it. Still, I tried to look on the bright side. At least, he had his own place and despite the horrible experience, it felt good being in someone else’s house.

After finishing the pizza, he came closer to me and put his arm around me then pulled me in.

“What do you want to watch?” He asked.

I smiled and said, “Anything.”

He then scrolled through YouTube and said, “There’s nothing to watch.”

“Don’t you have Netflix?”

“I have an account but I haven’t paid for it.”

I knew what was coming so without being asked, I removed my ATM card and asked him for his account details. Once the account was activated, he put me back in his arms and we watched movies until late at night. I spent the night at his place then woke up the following day and went back to my place.

I didn’t hear from him for almost two weeks. When I finally swallowed my pride and contacted him, he claimed that he was busy with work. However, that didn’t stop him from asking for money. I sent him Ksh 4,000 and he promised to make time for me in the coming week.

It got to a point where our relationship became transactional. If I needed to spend time with him, he asked me for money. I didn’t feel loved genuinely and I was getting irritated by how Trevor was treating me. Finally, I called him out about his behaviour.

“Why do you always ask me for money whenever I call you?” I asked him while we were at his place.

“If the tables were reversed, wouldn’t you borrow money from me?” He asked.

“It’s not like you don’t have your own money.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Why do you do it?”

“Because I can. You can’t refuse to give me money so why wouldn’t I ask?”

I was shocked at his response. At least the guys I dated before used to ask for money because they didn’t have any. Trevor was simply taking advantage of my kindness.

I didn’t need another sign that he was the wrong one for me. I ended the relationship and went back to dating guys my own age. They might be broke but at least they didn’t use me the way Trevor did.

We first met on Tinder and wasted no time getting to know each other.  

He was a few years older than me, which improved our bond because we could have honest adult conversations. One of his most intriguing qualities was that he did not care for social media. However, as time passed, I realised it was a major red flag.  

Our bond went from casual dating to a relationship in a short span of time. At the time, I didn’t feel the need to take things slow since he had no flaws.

Patrick lavished me with gifts, spent time with me and was always there when I needed him.   

Months went by, and by the end of the year, Patrick and I had solidified our relationship. At the start of our second year together, he offered me a key to his house so I could visit whenever I was free. It was also a way of compensating because it was too early for us to live together.  

I decided to visit on the weekends since it was easier to see each other. So, the following weekend, we spent time at his place playing board games, cooking and watching movies.

He was not much of a club guy, which was another thing I loved about him since I was also a homebody.

As the night progressed, I realised he had not given me a tour of his house, and due to my curiosity, I nagged him to do it.  

“I’m so tired, babe. Can’t we do it in the morning?” He asked while yawning.   

Every fibre in my body wanted to push, but I realised the house was not going anywhere. The following morning, I woke up, and curiosity struck me again.

I turned to my side and noticed Patrick sleeping soundly, so I grabbed my robe and stepped out. As I walked around admiring the house, I realised that one of the rooms was locked, which seemed odd.  

“What are you doing?” Patrick asked, startling me.  

“I wanted to see the house, and I didn’t want to wake you,” I replied.  

“Okay, have you managed to satisfy your curiosity?” He asked.  

“Yes, except this room; why is it locked?” I asked.  

“It’s filled with junk; I don’t think you would like it,” He said.  

“Okay, no worries. Breakfast?” I said, knowing he was lying, but I decided to let it go.  

We never talked about the room again, and with time my curiosity dialled down. Our relationship progressed as usual, and the more we spent time together, the more I adored him.

Midway through the year, I got a job opportunity near his workplace, and we were both excited. Weekdays had always been tough for us due to our busy schedules, but now we could spend more time together.

The first few weeks were good, but as I got to know my colleagues, Patrick started to suspect my every move.   

He would call me at work whenever he saw me talking to any male colleague, claiming that I was flirting. At first, it didn’t seem like an issue since jealousy meant that he cared more, and I would take time to reassure him that it was just business.

As the weeks progressed, he would wait for me every lunchtime and evening, so I would not have the chance to talk to any man. To avoid arguing, I let it go and convinced myself that he was doing it out of love.   

Patrick was everything but malicious, and given that I had never been with a man like him, I wanted our relationship to work.

The habit continued for a month until he saw me walk out of the office with my boss and assumed I was flirting with him because we were laughing. He stepped out of the car and approached us, accusing me of cheating.   

“Patrick, this is my boss,” I said, trying to remain calm.  

Patrick, who was too stunned, opened his mouth to apologise, but my boss turned to leave. He turned to me, grabbed my hands and apologised. Given how shocked I was, I walked away and entered his car. During the car ride, I only thought about how I would be fired the following week.   

Patrick dropped me off at my aunt’s place and attempted to apologise again, but I didn’t have the guts to speak to him, so I walked off. That night he texted me and asked if I was still going to spend the weekend with him, but I declined and told him to give me some space.   

The following morning, I looked for a night-out plan to help me forget the previous day’s events. Luckily one of my friends was hosting a party at a club. As I looked through my closet for something to wear, I realised I had left most of my shoes at Patrick’s. I checked the time and realised that Patrick had already gone for golf, so I could head over and pick the shoes without him knowing.   

Once I got to his apartment, I quickly grabbed the shoes, but as I walked out of his room, I realised the always-locked room was half open.   

“It wouldn’t hurt to peak,” I thought as I walked into the room and stumbled upon papers.   

Taking a closer look, I realised they were screenshots of conversations between him and another woman and pictures of her. As I read through the conversation, I couldn’t believe that the man being talked about was the same man I was dating. Patrick had stalked the girl and threatened most of the men she had dated after they broke up. To make matters worse, he confronted her in her house and threatened to hurt her if she ever reported the case to the police.   

I dropped the papers on the desk and left his apartment quickly. During my ride home, I didn’t know whether to be scared or angry. Immediately I got home, I locked the doors and started packing; my only safe place was at my parents’ house since he would never find me there. A few hours later, I took a cab to Machakos; my parents were shocked to see me but didn’t ask any questions.   

Patrick called me that night and I blocked his call and tried to contain myself. The following week my supervisor called to inquire where I was, and knowing I could not reveal information about Patrick, my only option was to lie. I stayed home for two weeks hoping that by the time I returned to Nairobi, things would go back to normal.   

I travelled back to Nairobi, crossing my fingers that he would let me go. My biggest fear was that one day I would leave work, and his car would be outside. Surprisingly nothing ever happened; he left me alone just like that. As much as I was relieved, I couldn’t shake the feeling that now that I was out of his life, he would find someone new who would probably go through what his ex went through. I was the only lucky one, and that experience wa

This time, rumors spread that he was cheating on his (now ex) girlfriend, Lindsey Vonn.

It was easy to believe tabloid speculation that his cheating ways were the reason for their breakup, but according to People, Tiger and Lindsey broke up because it just “didn’t work out.” 

That’s normal, but sometimes, cheating is to blame. Why do men cheat? And is there a reason why married men cheat in particular?

Here are 5 reasons why some men cannot stop cheating, according to an expert:

1. That’s all they know.

Some men have been cheating since they were in middle school. It is part of who they are, and it’s so ingrained it has become part of their identity.

Without being a womanizer, they don’t know who they are. Learning to be monogamous takes work. They need counseling to unlearn this behavior and to work on it daily.

2. They have no moral issue with it.

Morally, some men don’t have a problem with hiring an escort. The guy who cheats on you probably feels the same way or he wouldn’t do it. It is easy to be remorseful after the fact. But can morals be taught? In most cases, no.

3. They have low self-esteem.

Cheaters tend to have low self-esteem — their ego rewards them when they can have multiple women. But cheaters need to learn to love themselves before they can love anyone else.

4. They’re addicted.

Some people are addicted to sex and love. They become obsessed and can’t stop thinking about it until they act on it. Sex and love addictions can be treated with individual and group therapy. However, they’re not going away by themselves. Men who cheat need to do the work to improve.

5. They’re self-sabotaging.

Some men tend to sabotage their lives when it’s going well. They may not know why they are doing or what they are doing and simply can’t stop.

There is always an unresolved issue from their past that causes a person to self-sabotage, so counseling and couples therapy help.

If your man fits into one of these categories, just know there is hope. He can change if he wants to change, has a good support system, and devotes himself to becoming a better person.

The change won’t happen overnight, he will be tempted to cheat while trying to change. Make sure to get help — change takes time.

Well, this happened to me and it took me two years to get over the breakup. My boyfriend and I were what some would call couple goals.

We were so compatible that we gained a small online audience who followed our relationship journey. However, this would also be the downfall of our relationship.

I met Jack when I was only 20 years old. We were on the same campus and immediately hit it off. Our relationship also took off as quickly and after 2 months, we moved in together. Life was great and for the rest of my campus, we remained together.

After university, things became more serious. He came to meet my family and my mother was more than happy I had found someone to settle down with. She gave us her blessing and I officially moved in with him.

However, I started facing challenges. I couldn’t find employment and after nearly a year of searching, I gave up hope.

Jack offered to help me establish a boutique business since I couldn’t get work. We started the business and it turned out to be the best thing to ever happen to me.

The business was instantly successful and we ended up opening another shop. I dedicated all my time and effort to the business and it was paying off.

We started living a comfortable life and could afford small luxuries thanks to the business. Jack was also happy that I had grown the business.

I wanted to employ another girl to work at the shop and I’d supervise both boutiques. However, Jack advised me to focus on building a family since the business was doing well.

“I’ll be supervising them,” he suggested. “You should start trying to get pregnant.”

This wasn’t the first time that he had suggested I get pregnant. In fact, when we were still in university, he asked if I wanted to have a baby.

“Of course,” I replied. “Just not now.”

I still felt the same. The business was really taking off and I wanted to put all my effort into it for another year or two. Jack had other plans.

“My friends are all having children.” He said.

“You mean Alex? The guy who still lives with his mother?” I asked him.

“But we have a business. We can take care of a child.”

“I think we should wait a bit.”

“Fine.” He agreed easier than I thought. “But we still need people to work at the shop.”

I agreed. I thought getting girls to work at the boutique would give me more time to grow the business. However, it would be the biggest mistake I made in my business and personal life.

“I know some girls who we can employ,” Jack suggested.

I trusted him with the employment process since I knew he was a professional and he was also loyal. Within a week, he had found and employed the girls. I hadn’t met them but I trusted my boyfriend to choose professional girls.

It had been a month since I went to the shop but I noticed that our sales were going down. When I got to the boutique, I was met by a light-skinned curvy girl who couldn’t be bothered to welcome me. She looked at me without saying a word.

“Hello,” I said.

“Hi.”

“Are you Anita?”

“Yes. Who are you?” she asked a bit rudely.

“I’m Martha.”

She was shocked but tried to hide it.

“Oh. Welcome, madam.”

“Why is the boutique doing so badly?”

“It’s been a slow month.”

“Have you ever worked at a boutique before?”

“No, I used to be a tea girl.”

I left after the brief interaction wondering why my boyfriend would hire such an unprofessional person. However, when I tried to confront him about it, I was met with hostility.

“Is it your business or mine?” he asked.

“It’s our business,” I answered.

“No, it’s mine. I put in the investment money. You didn’t contribute a cent.”

“But…”

“But nothing. What were you even doing there?”

“I went to check on the business since sales aren’t good and my suspicions were right. The girl is incompetent. You should let her go.”

He laughed but I didn’t understand why. he didn’t fire her. In fact, he did nothing as the boutique continued to go down.

The other boutique also started suffering financially. The financial problems caused a rift in our relationship and after a few months, we broke up.

The breakup hit me hard since I had been with him for over five years and we had built a life together. tried tirelessly to mend the relationship but Jack wasn’t having it. He insisted that he had already moved on and that I should do the same.

I refused to believe that he had moved on and that our relationship was over. However, I found out that indeed, Jack had moved on and he was in a relationship with the lady he had hired.

She was the reason for our breakup and it was humiliating. How could a tea girl replace me? I couldn’t accept it and I tried my hardest to win Jack back. However, after two years of trying, I finally came to terms with the breakup.

The experience really damaged my self-esteem. I had to move back in with my mother as I tried to find employment. Between looking for employment and trying to rekindle my relationship, I was emotionally and mentally drained.

Luckily, I got a job that distracted me from the breakup. I also got new friends at my new job and I was able to move on.

To this day, I still can’t believe I pursued Jack for two years trying to get him back. My life is far better than it was when I was with him. I opened my own boutique which is thriving and I’m in no hurry to be in another relationship.

What does dating after divorce look like for men? The divorce process is not easy for anyone. If you’ve ever had the misfortune of being the rebound, you might think that staying away from all newly divorced or recently separated men is the answer to sparing your heart.

Some dating advice might even say so. I get it — I’ve been Rebound Girl myself on more than one occasion. The “It’s not you, it’s me” conversation is never pleasant.

As someone who’s conducted a multi-decade, deep-dive exploration into relationships, dating, and understanding men, I’ve made some observations about newly divorced men — grabbing your sneakers to run from them as fast as you can might be a mistake.

And what’s behind this oh-so-common deal-breaker is fear. Fear of falling for someone hard and then getting the rug yanked right out from under you. You’re trying to mitigate heartbreak before it happens and who could blame you for that? (Definitely not yours truly.)

When we’re dating, we’re often dealing with strangers. And when you’re connecting with any stranger, there are no guarantees.

You might be wondering, “Why would a newly divorced or separated guy be dating before he was ready anyway? What’s the deal?” The answer? Recently separated or divorced men are usually looking for two things: intimacy and attention.

And there’s no faster or more efficient way to get intimacy and attention at the same time than to go out on a date with a delightful and positive person. But does this mean that a real and lasting connection and a healthy relationship aren’t possible? Nope.

When I met my husband, he was newly separated — five weeks, to be exact. And we’ve been together for years and years.

My BFF and her husband? Six weeks into his separation and now married years and years. I could keep going on the list of couples I know who got together on their first date after divorce or separation is long — and I mean long.

And they are in successful and healthy relationships. Now, before you run off to hang out at the lounge area of your local Marriott Residence Suites, allow me to offer a few observations from my research.

If you’re looking to date men in their mid-40s and older, there are 3 types of men and one is okay to date and form a relationship with.

There are 3 types of divorced men — and only one is relationship material:

1. The one who values his freedom

This guy tried marriage and learned it wasn’t his cup of tea. He found that marriage was a series of compromises and negotiated collaborations that weren’t worth it in his grand scheme of things.

For him, the delicious and comforting aspects of partnership didn’t make the trade worth the sacrifice. He enjoys companionship.

He craves adventure. And since he loves women, he’s going to work on spending time with as many of them as he can for the rest of his life. When this guy says, “I’m never going to get married again,” believe him.

There is a subset of humans who have unkind things to say about this guy. I’m not one of them. I think he’s awesome. If he wants to be single, date women, and buy fancy whatever (cars, boats, etc.) that make him happy, then that’s his business just as long as he’s not making any false promises to the women he dates. (He can promise whatever he wants to his boats.)

2. The one who is not over his failed relationship

When a divorce is sudden and didn’t see it coming, he might be in shock. Or even if he knew it was inevitable long in advance, depending on how he manages the emotional side of his life, it might take him a minute to pull it together and be ready for someone new.

His whole world got rocked and he needs to find his footing again in a new life after divorce. The hot-mess-divorcee comes on strong. You are the most amazing woman ever! You two get “swept up.” And then he has a moment of clarity, which is when you learn you’re the rebound. It feels like being dropped to the ground from a thousand feet in the air.

So, if this is how it goes, why? Why would smart women like me and my BFF be willing to put ourselves through it over and over with the newly divorced or separated guy when this specific category of dating is so painful? The answer is easy: Not all men.

3. The one who is ready to date after divorce

You, too, have a shot at meeting the newly detangled guy who says, “Wow, I didn’t think I’d meet you so soon.” And boom — done! How can you tell which one you’ve got? Easy, but it might take a minute.

The “I’m free! I’m free! I’m finally free!” guy will usually tell you before you can ask. He might all but bring a bullhorn to deliver this message on your first date or he’ll say so right there on his online dating profile — “I’m only looking for fun,”

“I want to meet new people for adventures,” or “Not looking for anything serious.” They’ll tell you. Is there room for exceptions? Sure. But you have a whole lot of vetting to do.

The hot mess might be needy, clingy, or overly reminiscent of his past (with his ex or the ex before the ex). You might get the sense he doesn’t see you — at all.

When he’s looking at you, he sees a mother, a savior, or the fantasy he’s always wanted. He might not have a confident sense of self at this point in his life, so he projects onto you. Or you might get to the “We’re dating” part, but you can tell he’s so guarded that he’s not going to let you in or fully commit.

These signs will be obvious if you’re willing to see them for what they are — or it’ll become obvious when he ghosts you because you were the rebound. Alternately, he may take the “showing up but not opening up” path.

I’ve had both, more than once. And if I had been truly honest with myself, I could have caught even the “It takes time because he’s not opening up” ones much faster if I’d been willing to take off the rose-colored glasses and stop making excuses for him.

Keep your eyes wide open, ladies! Then there’s the “Terrible timing, but it’s you” guys. They both show up and open up.

You can count on them to do what they say. They take actions that match their words (in other words, not all talk). They’re not too busy for you. They’re leaning in by calling, texting, and planning fun new adventures with you.

On my second date with my now-husband, I said, “Wow, you’re great! It’s too bad our timing is so terrible”, referring to his newly separated status. He replied, “It’s not bad timing for you. The bad timing is on my side. It’s not for you to worry about, it’s mine, I got this.” Hot, right? I sure thought so. And there are more hot things to note about this type of newly disentangled guy:

• He knows how to commit and he’s likely willing to do it again at some point.
• He likely “grew up” in his marriage and as a result, he’s an upgraded version of himself thanks to his ex and the experiences he had with her
• He’s realistic about what he needs and what he can provide in partnership
• The fantasy of “happily ever after” without putting in any work is well and truly shattered (good)
• Bonus points if he has a good relationship with his children: Those little humans have done unspeakable things to and on him, and he still loves and cares for them. (That’s staying power!)

Good men who love partnership will find it again, and often quickly. Most women have this fantasy that a guy will wait, mourn, do inner work, heal, take a few personal growth workshops, wait three years, and then go find his new wife.

But it doesn’t work that way in the real world. What I see consistently is men connecting with their new forever people either straight away or after the first rebound (or three) when the old wounds aren’t yet entirely healed, ink is still not dried (or even inked yet in some cases), but getting there.

These are the men who hold their new person’s hand and willingly pull them into his future while still doing the work to shake off the past. (Sorry, I don’t create the realities, I just observe them.)

So, what do you think? Still, gonna grab your sneakers and run away from the newly disentangled guy as fast as you can? Or are you going to give them a chance?

Thoughts of your lover can consume every waking moment and even take over your dreams.

When love ends, you feel like you have nothing. But you have something. You have you, and you have love.

Here’s how to heal your heart after you’ve been left.

1. Realize you’re not alone.

Can you think of one person who has never had their heart broken? Okay, maybe you have a couple of friends who are high school sweethearts who are still goo-goo over each other.

The agonizing pain you feel in your chest is worse than the bike crash you had when you were 10.

That pain was over in a couple of weeks, but this torment was much different. It’s a different kind of pain that everyone can relate to. It’s not just you, and nothing is wrong with you.

Just because you feel the pain of losing someone doesn’t mean you aren’t lovable. You may always have a soft spot in your heart for the man you loved, and don’t beat yourself up about it. Love is infinite, and there is plenty in the universe.

Understand, that you weren’t in the right place and time to be together, but great love is waiting for you. You have to get yourself ready for it.

2. Don’t run from the pain.

I know that you might want to hide under the covers after this and stuff down any of the pain and pretend it isn’t there. Sure, the junk drawer in the kitchen might need some cleaning out, but it can wait. You are trying to distract yourself and not letting the feelings process.

You must grieve and get through the pain to move on. It will be excruciating to go through it, but it needs to happen so these feelings don’t get stuck. Cry, sleep, vent with your friends, and get a coach or a counselor so you can let it all out.

You may have been taught that big girls don’t cry, but if they don’t, they should. Crying is good for you. It helps to move through grief instead of sticking us to depression. It can cleanse your soul, and you can be happy again.

3. Allow space for yourself.

Welcome this time to get to know yourself. You don’t need to rush into finding another boyfriend right away. You will be okay by yourself. It’s that simple.

You probably don’t feel like skipping quite yet, but you will get there. You are okay. Where you are is okay. And being single is OK. You don’t have to have a partner to be okay.

4. Accept the past and your memories.

Don’t wage a war against your past and the memories of love that will come and go. You will more than likely yearn for the love you lost or never had, and it is natural.

Our brains are good at connecting the dots and it’s part of the process. If you try to push any thoughts away, it can make it worse. What you think about, you bring about — even if isn’t what you want.

So when the memories and fantasies of getting back together come into your mind, notice them and say, “There I go again! This is what everyone else does, too. There is nothing wrong with me.” This is part of getting to the feeling good part!

5. Take out your notebook.

After a bad breakup, it’s easy to beat yourself up, recall every conversation that could have gone differently, and dissect every text message you wish you wouldn’t have sent. Take out your pen and start writing about it. And do not read it for at least 2 years.

Writing about the past it isn’t so you can hold onto it. Writing is a form of letting go. Don’t worry about grammar, making complete sentences, or making sure your penmanship is legible.

Getting about the gunk will help you release it. Broken hearts inspire artists to create the most incredible songs, poems, movies, and stories. Write about your love story. You will discover that you are deeper than you ever realized and this heartache will give you more meaning in your life.

I write because I can’t help it. My past heartbreaks are the reason that I do what I do. My writing has helped me process the pain and discover the joys in life, and they can help you find yours. Allow yourself to feel the pain so you can begin healing your heart. It will be worth it.

Rejection hurts, and you probably feel it physically. Even though your heart isn’t going to physically break while you try to heal and learn how to get over a breakup, it sure feels like it is. Research led by Ethan Kross at the University of Michigan has shown emotional pain can activate the same part of our brain as physical pain.

The heartbreaking pain you feel is real. Some days will be harder than others, and plenty of them will be hard. But right now, you can start the process of how to move on so you can get to the point where you are ready to open your heart again.

I knew what it was like being the new kid on the block.

It was a pattern I did not want to repeat with my children. I planned to raise them in a “forever” house. The forever house was a beautiful concept to me.

We all know someone who spent their whole life in one house. Either their parents still live there, or they bought it from their parents.

And it’s this gorgeous, proper house with a lot of bedrooms, plenty of space, a lovely yard, and amazing neighbors. (And they bought it so long ago that the amount of appreciation and equity they have in the house now is staggering! The children are set for inheritances!)

My ex and I were fortunate because we could buy one of these spectacular forever homes: a 3,000-square-foot architectural on the hills of Brentwood.

It was gorgeous and everything I ever dreamed of open floor plans, 11-foot ceilings, large spaces, four bedrooms, a huge playroom, and plenty of outdoor space. There was room for a pool if we ever desired to have one.

I was in love. Life was sublime until one day, it wasn’t anymore.

My ex and I divorced when the children were 7 and 5. Instead of alimony, I fought tooth and nail to keep my “forever” house. I struggled for two years, paying the mortgage on time and watching as my savings dwindled. But, in my head, I knew it wasn’t a wise choice financially; I was suffering under the weight of this house, and it wasn’t good for anyone.

I had to come to terms with letting my house go. Not a remotely easy thing to do. It was my dream, my promise — to myself and my children and to not move them around. It was my “forever” house … the one I thought I would ultimately die in. Of all the places I’d lived, this was the home I’d been in the longest. I struggled with what I should do. Many nights were filled with tears.

I would lie on the floor of my children’s rooms and weep (as quietly as possible).

My heart broke at the thought of leaving. But one day, my perspective changed. I decided to stop feeling sorry for my children and myself and instead feel grateful I’d had the honor and the privilege to live in such a beautiful place, even if it was a far shorter time than I had planned.

I walked around my house, gave myself time to appreciate its beauty and craftsmanship, and recalled the happy times I spent with my family in each room. Out loud, I said “thank you” to my house. I cried tears of joy mixed with sadness. Nostalgia is a powerful emotion.

I had no regret about taking my house instead of alimony. Doing so allowed me independence, and I could sell my home on my terms and timeline. I saw my house as a means of financial freedom from my ex. When I ultimately sold it, I could walk away with a chunk of cash I could then invest on my own, supporting my two children and myself.

Slowly and carefully, I allowed myself to feel my emotions to move forward. I wrote in a journal for forty days straight to get my feelings out. I enlisted the help of a friend to go with me and see the rentals first, examining them before taking my kids. He offered a shoulder to cry on when reality hit home. I would live in one of these “temporary” abodes.

Saying goodbye is challenging.

Divorce is heart-wrenching. Moving is stressful. And putting a dream to rest is overwhelming. Combine all these, and it’s too much for one person to experience all at once.

Crying helped and having support was my lifeline.

As a realtor, I knew the real estate market so my knowledge was an unbelievable blessing. Eventually, I found the place I was looking for a large condo in the heart of Brentwood. The location allowed me and my kids to walk everywhere. I chose it for its novelty, and I wouldn’t feel alone when my children were off with their father. It was affordable, convenient, and easy — plus a pool, hot tub, and ping-pong table!

I was apprehensive when I took my kids to see it. My son, in particular, loved our old house and was so upset about the idea of moving. To my surprise and relief, he loved the condo and told me we should move there.

It turns out we were happy in our condo.

We lived there for 15 months, which gave me time to regroup. It was indeed easy living. We walked, swam, hit countless ping-pong balls, and laughed. I won’t gloss over the fact I missed my house. I longed for my place, pond, yard, and life in the hills. But the condo gave me time and space to heal and realize my kids and I were OK.

We loved being together. And I was proud of myself for facing and embracing reality.

Today, I’m a homeowner once again. I live in a slightly smaller version of my first “forever” house. Built the same year, 1959, it was a mid-century architecture, with slightly lower ceilings but a much larger piece of property.

The house is not in Brentwood, I couldn’t afford that, but it’s in a location I’ve learned to love in the hills of Sherman Oaks. Our neighbors are fabulous, and we’ve got a nature preserve right behind our house, where I go hiking with my dogs.

I’ve never been happier in a house. Life is funny that way. I won’t say it’s my “forever” house because I don’t want to tempt fate. I will say it’s a dream come true, and I’m forever grateful.

I don’t know about you but I find men a complete mystery. I have a very good male friend who I often ask for a man’s perspective on something that I am thinking about doing.

His answer is almost always completely different from anything that I might have come up with myself.

With that in mind, I asked him, and a number of other men, to tell me what a woman can do to make her man feel loved. I had a sense that it might be totally different from what women might think it could be.

And guess what? I was right! Here is what I learned.

Here are 5 small ways men wish they could be loved every single day.

1. Let him make you laugh.

If there is one thing that men love, its external validation that they are all that and a bag of chips.

So much of how men connect with the world is about what is external vs. internal — how they look, how they are perceived, how successful the world thinks they are vs. how they are thinking and feeling. And this is okay. It’s different from women and it’s okay.

It feels counterintuitive to a woman that this might be important to a man, but picture the joy you felt the first time you heard your child laugh. It made all the tears worth it, didn’t it? It’s the same for a man.

If he can still make you laugh in spite of the challenges that you might have as a couple, he will feel love and joy for you, and for himself. And when your partner is joyous despite whatever they may be facing, that should be enough to make you, in turn, happy.

Let your man know that he makes you laugh. And laugh often. You are giving him the ultimate validation that he is being appreciated by you, the woman he loves. And there is nothing more important to him than knowing you appreciate and adore him.

2. Acknowledge the things he gives.

Men are at their best when they are giving. It’s in their nature. When they give, they take care of those they love and this is a primal need for them.

It can sometimes be hard for modern men to give because it’s hard for modern women to receive. And, oftentimes, when a man does give to a woman, she freezes. Either she ignores the giving or complains that it’s not enough, or acts in a way that implies that she doesn’t deserve it.

I have a client whose husband used to buy her jewelry because he knew she loved it. And she did. Unfortunately, everything he bought her wasn’t to her taste.

She would thank him sweetly but then return it for something that she wanted. And every time she did this, she hurt him. So much so that eventually he stopped buying her jewelry. And that didn’t make anyone happy.

What she learned in this situation was that she needed to acknowledge the giving of the gift. When men give, they give from the heart, even if they aren’t totally in touch with what you might want them to give. “If he knew me better, he would know what I like,” I often hear after a woman receives something she doesn’t like.

It doesn’t matter the gift, it’s the effort. Maybe he gifted you the earrings you’ve been asking for, or maybe he made you your favorite meal. No matter what the gift is, he wants you to acknowledge the energy he has put into trying to make you happy. So, thank your man for the effort and he will feel loved.

3. Let him help you.

Women are, by nature, caregivers. We long to take care of anyone and everyone, often to the point that we stop doing anything for ourselves and we get resentful and bitter about it. Especially with our spouses.

But men don’t want that! They don’t want us to be TOO helpful.

Don’t get me wrong. Men love having their socks picked up and their laundry done for them. They like not having to buy Christmas presents for the extended family or wipe down the sink. But they do want to feel like they can take care of themselves, that they are a contributing member of a couple. Maybe even, sometimes, the guy in charge.

Have you gotten to the point where you feel like you do everything in the relationship and are you exhausted by it? At the same time, do you give your man the space to take over some of that stuff, or do you continue to hold onto the responsibility in spite of how it feels?

If you do, stop! Let your guy do some things. Let him do his own laundry (if he wants to) or get his hair cut the way he wants it. Let him plan dinner or buy presents or drive the kids to school. And when he has done it, thank him for it, even if he doesn’t do it quite the way you like it.

Relinquish some control and allow him to do something, anything, to take a load off your plate. After all, you are a team. So, let him do his thing — let him take care of you, even if it’s hard to do so.

4. Lead with your feminine energy.

I know, I know. How can I say that in this modern world? Men and women are equal. Women can do everything that men can do and do some of it even better. We are not soft. We are steel. We aren’t going to act like “girls.”

I get it. But one thing that we can’t ignore is human nature. It is in our biology that many men are masculine and many women are feminine. We each have standard accompanying traits.

Men like to feel strong and protective at times. Women are soft and nurturing. And, no matter what the world says, most men and women react to each other’s strength and softness.

I am not suggesting that we go back to the Dark Ages where men look at women as a piece of meat to do what they want with them. Or that we step back from the fact that men and women are equal.

Being soft and nurturing does not mean you are weak, and if it makes your man feel strong and protective, he will feel loved. His primal instincts will be activated and he will feel like more of a “man.” And there is nothing better for a man than being made to believe that he is one!

So, do your best to not only tap into your own feminine energy, but to encourage him to step into his own masculinity. Let yourself be a little girlish. Let yourself be soft around your man. Wear dresses. Speak softly. Laugh at his jokes. Make him feel like you need him. All of these actions will make him feel needed, loved, and like he’s an asset in your relationship.

5. Let him know when he finds your ‘on’ button.

What do I mean by that? Here is an example.

My ex-husband and I had a “no power cord” rule for all gift-giving occasions. He could not buy me anything that included a power cord. One year, for Mother’s Day, he took a risk and bought me a garage door opener. I loved it. I loved it so much that that night he got lucky.

He was delighted and amazed when he realized that he had the ability to make me so happy that he could flip my switch. From then on, he worked diligently to find things that he could do that would activate my “on” button.

I have learned that, for men, being physically intimate makes them feel loved and connected. This is very different than women who often need to feel emotional connection before getting physical.

For men, when they don’t have intimacy, they feel unloved and can become disconnected from you. Though physical intimacy isn’t the most important part of a relationship, without it, you can’t expect to nurture a bond for a lasting relationship.

So, how can you help your man find your “on” button so he can have the intimacy that he craves?

First, identify to yourself what it is that turns you on. Is it him doing the chores that you want him to do or taking you out to dinner, unprompted? Bringing you flowers or stepping up when you need his support?

Once you know what those things are, tell him. If you can guide him into knowing what it is that turns you on, he will do those things if it will lead to the physical closeness that always makes him feel loved. And really, that was a win-win situation for both of you.

I hope that now that you know the small ways that men wish they could be loved, you will take the steps to make them happen.

Men are not complicated and are way easier to make feel loved than women (a whole other topic), and we women can do anything that we put our minds to. So, if we can put our minds to what our men need to feel loved, we can keep them happy and the relationship healthy.

So, let him make you laugh, put on your girly side sometimes, thank him for the things he does, and let him know what turns you on, and your man will feel the love that he so longs to feel.

It’s easy for people to say, “You’re better off” as you try to erase the memory of your ex — but when you’re hurting, those words can sound frustratingly simple.

Here are 5 steps to actually moving on after your soul-crushing breakup:

1. Break all remaining ties to your ex.

Cutting ties with your ex is the most important thing you can do to get over them for good. Keeping them around will keep you solidly stuck in the past, so ending contact with them is key to giving yourself the closure you need after your breakup.

If you have a business or kids with your ex, these are shared responsibilities that remain (whether or not you try to cut ties). Try to minimize contact that doesn’t revolve around your children or business.

If you tend to dwell on interactions with your ex, distract yourself as much as you can before and after meeting up to drop off the kids or handle business. Reward yourself for handling things as civilly as possible.

2. Save the friendship for later.

Just like in grade school, keep your eyes on your work. One significant way people sabotage themselves after a breakup is by trying to stay friends with their ex.

It sounds mean to say “thanks, but no thanks” to a friendship with someone you spent so much time with, but when you’re hurting, trying to keep them in your life is one of the worst things you can do for yourself.

If you still really want this person in your life, you can reconnect with them (much) later — once you’ve both truly moved on from your failed romance.

3. Stop monitoring what your ex is doing (or who).

Sometimes, the only way someone feels forced to move on is by accepting their ex has gotten serious with someone new. It’s as though the unfortunate reality that the relationship is over only dawns on them the second their ex gets engaged or married to someone else.

This is just another way people stay stuck.

The best way to gain the emotional space you need is to break the remaining ties with your ex. If they are out of your life, make sure you’re not still up to date on theirs.

4. Start dating.

Dipping your toes in the dating pool is essential for moving on from a failed relationship. So many people delay dating other people while thinking, “I’m not ready,” or “Maybe I’ll get back together with my ex.” The problem is both mentalities keep you stuck because you’re still living in the past.

Dating is simply a natural part of moving past a breakup. Meeting new people and trying to make new friends is enough to give you some perspective and help you start creating a new life — without your ex.

5. Stop comparing your new relationships to your old ones.

Say you’ve done the rest of these steps to move on. You’ve cut ties, deleted them from social media, and started dating. One way people keep the pain of their breakup alive is by comparing all new relationships to their relationships with their exes.

Comparing new people to your memory of your relationship with your ex isn’t fair to you or anyone you start dating post-breakup.

Unless you had a terrible relationship, you haven’t made enough positive memories with someone new to compare a relationship to an ex. By not comparing, you’re giving someone else the chance to win your heart.

The low self-esteem after a breakup only serves to prolong the agony. How long does the bottom-dwelling last?

Can you still figure out how to survive a breakup when you’re feeling this lousy about yourself? Isn’t it bad enough that the one you loved doesn’t love you anymore — do you have to not love you, too?

Certain feelings go with the territory of a broken heart — confusion, anger, and sadness. But, if your low self-confidence is causing you to constantly blame and disparage yourself, getting over a breakup gets even more difficult and your healing will be slow. 

If your self-worth perked up when you started dating your ex but plummeted after your split, it’s probably dependent on being in a relationship.

When you’re heartbroken, you feel worthless, which leads you to hang onto what is no longer available and/or healthy. Ironically, gauging how long your low self-esteem after a break-up will last depends, to a certain degree, on your self-esteem.

If all you do is self-criticize, you won’t be able to process what happened in the relationship. And if you can’t process this one, you can’t prepare for the next one. That’s the vicious cycle of low self-esteem that keeps you stuck.

The loss of self-esteem is the most disruptive aspect of a breakup because it prevents you from moving forward. You need an inherent sense of worth to invest the energy in your healing and future.

If you had healthy self-esteem at the beginning of your relationship, wouldn’t it stand to reason that it should still be there after a breakup? A ding to your self-esteem is understandable. But if your low self-esteem after a breakup leads you to stalk your ex or pray for a reconciliation, that ding is a big dent.

There are a lot of theories about how long it should take to heal from a breakup. Some say half the length of the relationship (woe to those together for decades!). Some say as little as a month.

The truth is the uniqueness of the individuals and their relationships can’t be overlooked or generalized. 

However, a study in the Journal of Positive Psychology found that 71 percent of 155 young adults took around 11 weeks to see positive change. By the end of those three months, the subjects could see the positive aspects of their breakups.

They also felt they had grown and become goal-oriented — all positive changes to their low self-esteem after a breakup.

Other influences on the healing of your low self-esteem after a breakup include factors like race, gender, and preference.

According to another study, women, African Americans, and heterosexuals have more positive outcomes. However, the biggest predictor of positive outcomes was the person who initiated the breakup.

Finally, when it comes to giving the best advantage to your low self-esteem after a breakup, social media plays a role. Those with a higher frequency of internet surveillance also have a higher level of post-breakup distress.

Accidentally “bumping into” your ex on Facebook will only serve to set back the clock on your healing time. It’s reasonable to expect that the recovery of your low self-esteem after a breakup can take at least a few weeks.

But the factors affecting that timeline depend on you and the relationship that just ended. And, once you figure it out, building confidence is not as impossible anymore.

Everyone you ask will have a different answer. Personally, I think you have to fight with your partner to keep your relationship going. It means you still care enough to put in the effort.

If I still fight with you, it means I still want you. 

I’m not talking about shouting and screaming at one another without getting your points across. That’s a toxic relationship we should all avoid, so don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Instead, I mean fighting for your happiness and love without fear and hesitation. If you don’t, do you truly have love?

If I still fight with you, it means I still care. 

I want us to solve whatever problems we have. I want us to come to a mutual understanding. In the end, I value our relationship and connection more than being right or winning an argument. No matter the disagreement, I want us to come out on the better side.

If I still fight with you, it means I value you. 

I want you in my life, so I’ll do whatever it takes to fix our issues and keep you close to me. It means I see a future with you filled with happiness and love. So, I choose to fight for us instead of going silent and hoping time will fix our problems. I want to talk things out because I respect you and what you mean to me.

When I don’t fight with you anymore, you should worry.

It shows apathy — I’m exhausted. I no longer want to fix whatever was broken because I always felt like the only one fighting for us. I got burnt out from trying to patch up the broken trust and failed promises, keeping us together even though we slowly drifted apart.

When that starts to happen, you’ve already lost me. I gave it all I had, and you didn’t even meet me halfway. So, if you want to start fighting for us when I already gave up, it’s too late. You only realize that what you’ve had is important when you lose it, and that’s the lesson we all have to learn sometimes. And that’s okay.

So, be happy when I fight with you when I fight for us. When that happens, you know how much what we have means to me.

And as long as you fight alongside me, I will never give up.

Part of building and maintaining relationships is knowing how to text in a way that creates and maintains a connection and builds attraction.

However, having to build a connection through a screen, knowing you have to captivate someone’s attention, can feel like a challenge. And sending mundane text messages can really sabotage your chances for a reply.

But that’s about to change, because once you truly understand how to text a guy to keep him interested, you won’t ever have to question how he feels.

Here’s how to keep a man interested over text with 5 simple tips

1. Use his language

It’s imperative to use their choice of words or slang when sending a text message to tap into their world. By using their words and vocabulary, it shows you’re relating to them to create a cohesive vibe.

It naturally makes them feel like you “get” them because you’re speaking their language. And relationships are all about relating to a partner. This little text trick will do wonders when you want to receive a keen reply.

Here’s an example (the words emphasized are the ones to pay attention to):

Text message from him: “I really enjoyed our dinner date over the weekend. Trying that new spot really satisfied my pizza craving.”

Your reply text: “I agree, the pizza was spot on! So happy they opened a location in the states. Maybe we can grab dinner next weekend too?”

Text message from him: “Next weekend sounds great! You pick the spot!”

“Spot” was the keyword the man used to describe the restaurant. By using his keywords, this creates a mutual alignment in understanding and relating to each other. It opens the door to further conversation about similar interests.

Other common examples to include in your text exchange are the use of emojis, photos, memes, or current social phrases.

2. Take interest in his lifestyle

Everyone loves to talk about themselves, but showing genuine interest in his interests and life, in general, show that there’s potential for a deeper connection.

Asking him about his family, experiences, or ambitions allows you to establish rapport and build a foundation for a connection based on common interests you may share.

Organically, people are more likely to give you specific details when you show curiosity in who they are. And while the dating world is full of subpar first dates that never go anywhere past shallow, surface-level discussions, when you want to keep a man interested over text, it’s essential to find out who he is.

Photo: Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels

Taking a personal interest in the things that bring value to his life lets you gather an inside peek with who he really is inside. You can learn a lot about what he likes or dislikes, which makes it easier when planning dates and potentially taking the relationship further.

Not only are you gaining knowledge about him, but you’re learning about yourself along the way. This gives you impactful insight into finding a powerful alignment with each other.

3. Give him compliments

Who doesn’t love a genuine compliment? It’s probably one of the most essential tips on how to keep a man interested over text. A compliment can go a long way when you show a person you’re interested in that you genuinely value certain aspects of who they are.

So, be sure to deliver plenty of authentic compliments when you text him. A few examples include:

• “I really like the blue shirt you wore last night. It’s a great color for you.”
• “Thank you for dinner. You’re a great cook!”
• “You’re pretty funny. You sure know how to make me laugh.”

When you speak with honest admiration, you’ll make him feel like a superstar. Not only will he like you more, but it will create instant oxytocin, which will keep him coming back to you. Who wouldn’t want to hear feel-good compliments?

Just remember that these compliments must be real and from a place of kindness. Don’t even think about faking it. Schmoozing is easy to read right through and often has an ulterior motive. So, keep it straight when you text with the guy you’re interested in.

4. Ask open-ended questions

Asking open-ended questions lets the connection grow between you two, because it shows you’re taking the initiative to get to know more about him. Open-ended questions encourage people to really open up by adding more facts and emotions to their responses. They don’t just give the gist; they tell you the whole story.

If you find yourself asking closed-ended questions, he will only have to reply with one-word answers. And that doesn’t give much room for the conversation to continue to flow and grow. It’s almost like you’re pulling teeth to have a conversation, which is the last thing you want to happen.

So steer clear of close-ended questions and instead ask open-ended ones.

Open-ended questions include:

• “Where are you from? What was it like growing up there?”
• “What did you do over the weekend?”
• “What are you up to tonight?”

Close-ended questions include:

• “What’s your favorite food?”
• “Do you like comedy shows?”
• “Have you ever been skydiving?”

It’s very easy to hide behind a screen and not convey the real you, especially if you still aren’t quite sure how to text a guy to keep him interested. Unfortunately, hiding your true self won’t get you too far in building a deeper connection once it comes time to meet in real life.

Being your most authentic self is the only way to build a bond that will last and attract authentic people into your life. Trying to be someone you’re not will actually push him in the opposite direction or attract guys you don’t want to keep around.

Most people love a partner who isn’t afraid to express their honest opinions or show their emotions. It’s attractive to expose your personality when first getting to know someone, flaws and all. This is the best approach to bringing a guy closer, as you are your biggest advantage to success.

When it comes to keeping a man interested over text, you can only receive what you’re willing to give.

If you’re craving more romance, being congruent with your words and actions are crucial to attracting guys who are boyfriend material. And that requires integrity.

Integrity is all about sending the right message that is harmonious to your needs and interests.

By having clear intentions, it leaves less room for texting errors. So, make sure your vibe is beaming with positivity to receive the attraction and love you crave!

You will begin attracting exactly what you want without feeling lost on how to get your needs met.

You just want everything to be perfect, your performance to be spectacular and you want to be as seamless as possible.

The reality of it is that there are plenty of mortifying things that happen that we just can’t control, and while you think you are the only one, you really aren’t.

1. Queefs and Farts

These are probably the most mortifying events that you will experience at one point. You’ll experience queefing if there is a lot of air getting up in your lady bits and being pushed because of the penis.

Same with farts if you are doing anal. Plus the bigger he or the sex toy is, the more likely it is to happen.

2. Not Being Able to Get Him Up

Sometimes guys just can’t get hard, much like girls can’t get wet. It’s nothing to do with you. He could be on medication, too drunk or just having a bad day. Don’t take it personally!

3. He Can’t Get it In

Guess what, sometimes he just can’t put his key in your ignition properly or stay in. Things happen and it falls out a lot. It’s totally normal.

4. Condom Fails

You should always have sex with a condom on. Always, always! But being safe also means having some uncomfortable moments with it either falling off, breaking or being stubborn. It’s happened to us all.

5. Gagging on the D

We have all had a moment where we choke and absolutely start gagging on his penis that’s forcefully down your throat. Don’t worry, guys tend to actually like it because it makes them feel like they have a big dick. No shame to be had giving him a confidence boost.

6. Leaving a Wet Spot

Guess what, it happens. Big deal! It just means that you were really into it and proves to him that he did a good job at getting you to feel good. Be proud of your pleasure puddle!

7. New Position Fails

You’d be lying to yourself if you haven’t tried to spice things up and try a new position and have it epically fail. We’ve all been there.

8. Getting Your Period/Bleeding

There is nothing more humiliating than having an unexpected three-way with aunt Flow or having some unexpected bleeding. Sometimes it just happens. Bleeding is normal as a result of a tear but if it’s a rather large amount, I would consider that a more serious tear that should be looked at by a professional.

9. Finishing Too Fast

You might get frustrated because it was actually good for once, but I can assure you that you should be proud at getting him to the finish line quickly. It means you are just that good!

You might think you’re alone with these embarrassing stories and mishaps, but the truth is, all of us have experienced these at least once. 

No one said intimacy was perfect because it often results in a lot of laughs. And at the end of the day, guys just want to get it in.

They won’t judge you for the things that happen because they know it’s normal and have probably experienced them with other women too.

So what kind of gifts say this without the risk of backfiring? As is true with anything, you can’t guarantee a positive reaction because everyone is different.

But I have some fabulous ideas for sexy gifts that I think will win you some big points with your dream lady.

Check out this guide to learn how to buy a sexy gift for your partner that strengthens your connection.

Do Your Research

When it comes to gift-giving, knowledge is power. Before you embark on your gift-shopping adventure, do your research to make sure you buy something she’ll actually use.

Like I said earlier, every woman is different. What one woman would die to be gifted could send another running for the hills.

It’s important that you and your recipient be on the same page, at least relatively. You don’t want to buy anal beads for a woman whose idea of fun may not be anal toys. Find out what kind of gift would make your woman feel loved and understood.

Take some time to get to know her particular interests. What does she crave in the bedroom? Has she ever mentioned a desire to dress up for you in sexy lingerie? Is she more reserved or a total thrill seeker in the sheets? When buying a gift for a woman, it’s important to prioritize her needs and desires, not yours.

With that in mind, here are some sexy gift ideas that’ll make her smile!

Vibrator

Women love vibrators. Period, end of story!

There are lots of different types, shapes, and sizes, and this really is a personal preference. Shop around for a vibe that has great reviews. When you take the time to find out what other women love, you’re usually on the right track to finding a toy that will do it for your honey.

In my opinion, nothing screams: I want you to experience sexual bliss like gifting a vibrator. This is always a good and generous place to start because it lets your partner know that their pleasure is important to you. It is a beautifully selfless gift that lets your significant other know you care about them.

Sex Card Games

Often, women prefer to be eased into sex. The buildup and the foreplay should be stretched out for as long as possible to ensure your partner feels like her needs are being met adequately.

It is the excitement of this mutual attraction that keeps a woman engaged. Rather than bulldozing into the act itself, prolong the foreplay!

There are tons of ways to make foreplay last longer, and this alone is a priceless gift to give her. Why not shop around for sexy card games to get her in the mood? Sex card games come in different themes and intensities. So again, make sure you’re on the same page with the kind of excitement you’re hoping to achieve. 

Surprising your lady with sensual card games can let her relish in the entire experience of intimacy. It tells her that you want to take your time to give her waves of pleasure.

Seductive Lingerie

Okay, this is where things can get really exciting. After you’ve done your research and discovered the likes and dislikes of your partner, you may find she is open to being gifted lingerie. Lucky you, this is great news.

Lingerie is an amazing sexy present to give someone. When all goes well, it tells your partner how much you dig their body and expresses intent for deeper intimacy.

Women love being adored. And if you’re not making her feel this way, you’re definitely doing it wrong. Gifting lingerie can make her feel sexy, special, and wanted. These are good emotions to conjure up!

Find seductive lingerie for your woman that matches her style. Think not only about what she would look hot in, which as far as you’re concerned is everything, but also about what will make her feel good. Lingerie can up intimacy tenfold, making it a gift that keeps on giving.

Elevate Your Love Story

Do your homework, and you will be sure to deliver an unforgettably thoughtful sexy gift to your woman! Good luck, and don’t forget the most important part of gift-giving⏤the recipient should be at the forefront of your mind.

Everyone’s situation is unique. But below are some indicators that it may be time to part ways.

Before reading on, you will need to step back from your relationship for a moment and look at it from the perspective of an outsider (I will take the perspective of a woman thinking in a relationship with a man but the advice should apply all-around).

Here are 5 signs you and your partner are incompatible.

1. You have different core values.

Core values are non-negotiables, such as the desire to have kids, to get married, or to move to Iceland. If you and your partner’s core values differ significantly, that is a major red flag.

That by itself should be cause for concern, regardless of how well you currently get along with him. If you are willing to negotiate your so-called core values, those values are not, in fact (or are no longer), core values.

Granted, it’s possible for you to truly change your core values, but changes of this kind shouldn’t be the result of pressure or suggestions from a romantic partner. They should be the result of personal growth.

2. Your partner takes you for granted.

You watch the movies your partner picked out earlier, you eat the food he decided to bring home from one of the local take-out places without consulting with you first, you dress the kids in clothes you know he will like.

Meanwhile, he never acknowledges any of this. He simply takes your submissive behavior for granted.

In his mindset, it’s assumed that this is how things are meant to be: take-charge man, submissive woman. It feels as if you could easily have been replaced by one of those inflatable sex dolls.

Would it have made a difference to his behavior? Probably not. He would probably just have had more than his share of the Chinese food.

3. Your partner doesn’t respect you.

Lack of respect can show up in many different forms. One is the lack of forward-moving actions. But it can also be in terms of verbal or emotional abuse, or passive-aggressive behavior.

All the last three mentioned styles of abusive behavior can be so subtle that it is hard to notice it for what it is.

He might be well aware of the fact that he fails to do his share of the household duties and yet does nothing about it (passive-aggressive) or he might attempt to create distance between the two of you by making plans for the weekend without first attempting to make any joint plans with you.

Sometimes these styles of abusive behaviors are not quite as subtle. He may be calling you derogatory names such as “w****,” “slut,” “hooker,” or “b****” and never apologize. He might even repeat it. Or he might disguise it, as in, “In those clothes, you look like a slut.”

By putting it this way he is trying to control you without you actually having any direct way of blaming him. After all, he didn’t call you a slut. The abuse is cleverly disguised under the perceptual verb phrase “looks [to me] like.”

4. Your partner doesn’t care about your needs, emotionally or sexually.

Everything you do, you do because it fits his way or his day. He expects you will want whatever he wants. He takes and takes and takes and rarely gives. He expects you to make everything easy for him, so he hardly has to do anything to remain in a relationship with you.

This is yet another one of the signs you and your partner are incompatible.

Suppose you live apart, and he has a plumber coming over. Wouldn’t it be convenient to have lunch in the meantime, since he has to be out of the house anyway? Your own thoughts: “Yes, it would. But mostly for you. When do you arrange a real date?”

Or he questions the frequency or quality of your fellatio when he virtually never returns the favor, never engages in cunnilingus despite multiple hints (at first), and then explicit mentions (as a last resort).

If you think really hard about it, you may come to the conclusion that you can count on one hand the number of times he has given your needs even a single thought, or the number of times he has understood your needs and actually satisfied them (however minuscule they have been).

5. Your partner is a caretaker but is rarely (or never) a caregiver.

It may have taken you a while to notice it but eventually, it strikes you. Big time.

You always care about him, how he is feeling, what he is up to, what his plans are, which mood he is in. He rarely cares in the same way about you. It’s rare for him to ask even a single of those questions about your welfare.

Well, don’t blame him. You are his new mom in disguise — or maybe his second mom (if he is still on good terms with his real mom).

Moms (and dads) are normally caregivers, and children are the receivers of that care.

If you’ve taken on that role in the relationship, something’s gone wrong.

Augustine, now 25- years-old, shared his story in an interview with GhPage TV, detailing the events leading up to the incident.

He revealed that, after completing secondary school, he travelled to Dubai where he made a of of money to support himself and others.

Among those he sought to assist was his former girlfriend from secondary school days, whom he had hoped to help finish her education and improve her life prospects.

However, he said the lady was no more interested in the relationship and he opted out but promised to support her education.

Little did he know, this decision would lead to a horrific act of violence.

Just days before his departure from Ghana, Augustine claimed his ex-girlfriend hired someone to douse him in acid.

The attack left him with severe burns and was on admission at the hospital for nearly three months.

In a chilling twist, Augustine claimed he recognized the assailant’s voice during the attack and called out his ex-girlfriend’s name in anguish as he struggled with the excruciating pain.

Fortunately, bystanders rushed him to Okomfo Anokye Hospital for urgent medical attention.

Despite his injuries, Augustine managed to identify the perpetrator to the police, leading to his arrest and subsequent conviction.

The assailant, who reportedly used an auto-rickshaw (known locally as “Pra Gyia”) during the attack, was sentenced to ten years in prison.

As Augustine continues to recover from the physical and emotional trauma, he remains resolute in his quest to seek justice.

MORE:

• Former NPP executive defects to NDC

• GIADEC’s Kojo Yankah goes home

• Ghanaian man killed in random shooting incident in Canada

Are you scared that you might be making a mistake if you walk away and worried that you might never be happy again? Deciding to let go of someone you love is a very hard thing to do.

Much like the hope that a coma victim will wake up, the hope of resurrecting lost love is hard to let go of.

Here are 5 undeniable signs your relationship is honestly over:

1. You can’t talk about things

Relationships are very intense and very personal. A key part of keeping a relationship healthy is communication. When issues arise, they must be addressed head-on, with clearly spoken words and a mutual understanding of what’s being said.

There must be a give-and-take so that everyone’s needs are met and that both people feel safe and secure in the relationship.

Relationships that end usually involve people who can no longer communicate. They aren’t able to talk about their feelings and they aren’t able to listen to others talk about theirs.

They’re not able to address issues and so they fester. If you’re in a relationship without communication, one where you don’t feel safe sharing how you feel, then it might be time to let go of the relationship and move forward.

2. You’re getting mixed messages

Is your person alternating hot and cold? Some days, they seem like their loving self. But, on other days, they’re crabby and distant and no fun to be with.

Are they in one moment kind and loving, and then another dismissive and condescending? Do they disappear only to reappear with lame excuses? Is the way they’re treating you now very different from the way they treated you in the beginning?

People who are “all in” in a relationship don’t give you mixed messages. Of course, no one is perfect and there will be moments of anger and impatience and harsh words.

But people in healthy relationships generally treat each other with respect. They are consistent with their feelings and honest about their behaviors. If your person makes you feel constantly off-kilter and anxious, it’s a sign that it might be time to let them go.

3. Does history keep repeating itself

Are you and your person stuck in a cycle of good and bad, up and down, highs and lows? Are there days when things feel almost like they used to, and then days when things are so bad that you want to cry? Does your person tell you that they need space and then disappear, only to reappear a few weeks later telling you how much they miss you?

Do you fight over the same subjects over and over? Do you live constantly with the hope that things will change but they never do, no matter how hard either one or both of you try?

If you find yourself in these kinds of patterns, where things are never constantly good but rather a roller coaster of emotions that’s sucking you dry, then it’s time to break up with someone who makes you feel that way and move on.

4. Are you staying for the wrong reasons?

Be honest. Do you sometimes think that you just can’t let this person go because you believe that if you do, you will never love or be loved again? Does the prospect of going back to online dating or thinking that you might have to attend the Christmas party alone make you feel nothing but dread? Perhaps, you feel like you have so much time invested in this person and you don’t believe in giving up?

Are you staying because you know that your person could change if you just loved them enough? If you’re staying for any reason other than the fact that you love them and are happy with who they are right now, then you’re staying for the wrong reasons.

Know that you will only find the love and happiness you seek by letting of someone who’s wrong for you. In this way, you can move forward and find someone who will love you the way you want to be loved.

5. You don’t have a life of your own

Both sides of a relationship mustn’t be completely reliant on the other for their happiness. I have a client whose whole life has revolved around her husband.

He insists that she wake up with him, make him breakfast, get him off to work, clean the house after he’s gone, bring him lunch at work, make dinner for when he comes home, and watch what he wants to watch every night.

She’s been forced to turn her back on everyone in her life so that her husband can be happy. She tells herself that she’s happy because he’s happy but she isn’t. She doesn’t feel good about who she is in the world. She has no self-confidence and no dreams for the future.

All she has is her husband and a life that’s making her miserable. Make sure that when you’re in a relationship, you have a lot of things in your life outside of it.

Make sure you have a job or a hobby that you love. Make sure that you have friends you can play with. Make sure that you spend time by yourself so that you’re comfortable being alone.

Make sure that you’re making choices for how you want to live your life and that you’re not being controlled by your partner. If you’ve lost yourself and your life is out of your control, perhaps it’s time to break up with someone who has made it that way.

You don’t have to stay in a miserable relationship. You’re suspecting deep down that your current relationship will only make you miserable. But, it’s hard to admit this and even harder to let go.

Your mental health and the health of your future love life need to pay close attention to whether this relationship can ever make you happy.

I can promise you that holding on to someone whose attentions are inconsistent, in a relationship where toxic patterns are repeated and one in which you have no control will only prevent you from finding the person who can love you the way that you want to be loved! You can do this! I promise.

I didn’t know anyone at the new place and being an introvert, I struggled to make new friends. However, I had one thing working for me – my looks.

I would get noticed and approached by a lot of girls so at least I had some kind of social life. This is how I met my girlfriend and fell madly in love with her. Mandy was a shy girl just like me.

In fact, it was her friend who introduced us. So, the last thing I ever expected was that she was on Onlyfans.

However, she was extremely beautiful with a body that would make anyone look twice. Whenever we walked together, people would turn to look at her and she would simply flash her shy smile.

She didn’t like to go out much because of all the unwanted attention and preferred going out at night. During the day, she spent her time in the house.

At the beginning of our relationship, she would only come to visit me. I didn’t even know where she lived until our mutual friend took me to her apartment.

“Why is he here?” I overheard her saying.

“Don’t worry. He’s your boyfriend and he needs to know where you live.”

In hindsight, I think her friend wanted me to know that my girlfriend was on Onlyfans and that was how she earned her money.

Nothing seemed out of the ordinary at her place. In fact, she seemed to be a bookworm judging from the shelf full of books.

“You read a lot?” I asked.

“Yeah. I love reading.” She answered, still a little angry.

“That’s great. I wouldn’t have thought that about you.”

“Why? Do I look dumb?”

“Most girls don’t like reading.”

“I’m not like most girls.”

She definitely wasn’t like most girls. Apart from her beauty, Mandy was unique in many other ways. Whenever we went out, she never drank. She wasn’t on social media and now, I found out that she loved to read. I kept learning new things about her that made me love her more.

After finding out where she lived, I became a frequent visitor. However, I would notice that she always wanted me to leave as soon as I got to her place. There was even a time that she lied she wasn’t at her place but I could hear her voice inside. I thought this was strange but brushed it off since she said she was an introvert and enjoyed her alone time.

One day when we were spending time together, I saw a notification on her phone from Onlyfans. I knew what Onlyfans was but I didn’t think that she did since she didn’t even have any social media accounts or so I thought.

“Are you on Onlyfans?” I asked as she picked up her phone.

She didn’t expect the question which made her confused. However, she kept cool and simply shook her head denying it.

“Why are you getting notifications?” I asked.

“I don’t know.” She replied and dismissed any further inquiries.

I trusted Mandy so whatever she said I took it as the truth. Besides, I had no reason to be suspicious of her. Being on Onlyfans was the last thing I would expect from her.

Just like that, I let go of the issue and forgot about it. However, a couple of weeks later, I would find more things that raised my suspicion.

By now, we had become really close and she let me spend the night at her place. While she was showering, I wanted to charge my phone and after asking her for a charger without a response, I decided to look for one. I opened drawer after drawer but they were all filled with her clothes. Then I opened the drawer on her side of the bed and I instantly regretted it.

The drawer was filled with all kinds of sex toys and Polaroid pictures of Mandy naked. I was afraid to touch them since I didn’t know what they were about. However, I decided to get to the bottom of everything once and for all. From the Onlyfans notifications to this, I knew something was not right.

Mandy came out of the shower and noticed that the drawer was open.

“What are you doing?” She asked running to close it.

“I could ask you the same question. I need the truth, Mandy. Are you on Onlyfans?”

“Yea, and so what?” She answered so nonchalantly.

“Don’t you think you should have told me before?”

“No, it’s a job just like any other.”

“No, it’s not. You’re exposing yourself to everybody. God knows who has seen your naked pictures and it’s only a matter of time before they surface on social media.”

“Oh please, stop lecturing me. You sound like such an old man.” She said then laughed.

“I need you to take down your Onlyfans account or we’re over.”

“Will you give me the money that I make every day?”

“How much do you make?”

“More than thirty thousand a day.”

I was quiet. Of course, I couldn’t give her that money daily. I couldn’t even give her the amount every month.

“I thought so. If you can’t give me that amount, don’t tell me how to live my life.” She said.

Somehow, my attraction towards her instantly disappeared. I had fallen in love with the shy bookworm and now, I found out that she was showing off her naked body and she was also very rude and carefree about it. It was a bit too much for me. I didn’t sign up to date Mia Khalifa so I had to end the relationship.

I questioned a lot of things about her and the more I thought about it the more things made sense. It made sense why she didn’t want to hang out with me for too long or why she didn’t want me to know where she lived.

Anyway, I’m not one to judge and if she had told me she was on Onlyfans from the beginning, I would have understood. However, she made me think she was someone who she was not. That ruined the whole relationship.

The night started off slow. I arrived at the venue, said hi to the host then mingled with the few guests who were already there.

Most of the guests were Michael’s workmates. In fact, one of them was the General Manager of the company where Michael works. There were a couple of big shots in attendance.

After talking to almost everyone in an effort to find someone I’d connect with, Michael pulled me aside to talk to me.

“Thank God you’ve come, Steve. I need your car. Do you still drive the Noah?” he asked.

“Yeah. But what’s this about?”

“There’s this girl who’s texted me asking me to send her and her friends an Uber.”

“What does that have to do with me?” I replied knowing he was about to ask me to go pick them up.

“Listen. These girls are on another level. We need beautiful girls at this party. Go pick them. I’ll fuel your car and you can have whichever girl you want.”

He was speaking my language. As long as he fueled my car and I got a little excitement I was willing to pick them up from Mombasa. He gave me their address and I left almost immediately. It was a bit further than I had anticipated but I had nothing better to do. Truth be told, I was about to leave the party after failing to find someone to my liking.

After about an hour and a half, I reached the address; a somewhat posh apartment located at the edge of the city. I called Amanda and let her know that I was outside. In less than a minute, a string of beautiful girls came out dressed in short party dresses. I won’t even lie, they confused me for a minute. Once they all got in the car and said their hellos, I introduced myself as Michel’s close friend even though I barely spoke to the guy.

Right from the beginning, Amanda took the lead. She sat in the front and spoke more than the others. Not to mention, she was the most beautiful girl I ever laid eyes on. Sure, the others were beautiful and there were a few beautiful girls at the party but nothing prepared me for Amanda’s beauty.

It was quite easy to fall for her charms Her piercing hazel eyes looked like they could see right through your soul. She had long, dark silky hair that she let all free and her long, skinny legs were something to behold. She was calm and composed but still flirty.

“You must be a really good friend to come all this way to pick a bunch of strangers.” She said in a sultry voice.

“Yes. Michael and I go way back.”

By way back, I meant I hadn’t talked to him since we graduated from university but she didn’t need to know that.

“What about you? How do you know Michael?” I continued.

“Well, I met him at an event that I was hosting. We talked for a while and have been friends since then.” She explained.

We chatted until we reached the party’s venue. She looked impressed by the location and even more impressed by the crowd. She made a joke about how everyone looked rich. Well, at least I thought it was a joke.

After getting drinks, the girls all scattered around the room. Amanda made her way back to me but kept looking around the room. I thought maybe she was bored so I suggested we go back to my place. Again, I didn’t expect her to be so willing but who was I to question my luck? She finished her drink and left without saying goodbye to any of her friends.

“Where do you live?” she asked

“Highrise Estate,” I answered without thinking twice.

She texted a lot and wasn’t as chatty as before. I was too excited to notice these little red flags. We finally got to my place and I welcomed her in. She asked for a glass of whiskey and I joined her in having one.

The next thing I knew, I was lying on my couch with a hangover from hell. My TV, surround system, laptop and a suitcase with my suits were all missing. At first, I was too confused to believe I had been robbed but as the day went by it finally hit me.

I tried to call Amanda’s number but it didn’t go through. I reached out to the only other person who knew her – Michael. He ignored my calls the first couple of times then answered after my tenth or eleventh attempt.

“Bro, my phone has been blowing up. I couldn’t take it.”

“First of all, don’t call me bro.” I cautioned him. “Second, how do you this Amanda chick and her friends.”

After threatening to take him to the police, he confessed that he didn’t really know the girls and that he had met Amanda on Tinder that day.

He also told me that three of his friends had called me asking about the girls and told him that they robbed them.

That’s when it hit me that those beautiful girls were a gang of thieves preying on drunk, desperate men. As always, the police weren’t much help and our guard claims he didn’t see anything. They must have bribed him for his silence.

Since that day, I’ve been wary of beautiful girls who are too willing to do whatever you ask. Though I lost some of my household items, my ego was the worst casualty.

I’ve learned to stick to my lane and when I see beautiful girls I look the other way.

Jacinta who appeared on Joy FM’s entertainment analysis programme, Showbiz A-Z said a man she once dated did not like her comedy career, so she had to end the relationship. 

“I pray to God everyday to give me somebody who will understand that this is my job. I am not saying I am not willing to make sacrifices but at least if I understand you, you too you need to understand me. 

I’ve been in a situation where I’ve had to let a relationship go because he told me ‘this your comedy’, I don’t want to say the rest of the things he said. I just said ‘okay’ and that was it,” she said.

Creatives, especially women face a lot of challenges in their relationships. In most cases, some women in showbiz have had to give up on their creative jobs to kowtow to the demands of their spouses. Others ditch showbiz to cater for their families. 

When asked if Jacinta would mind adding her future husband’s surname to her name and use that as her stage name, she responded that it was not necessary. 

“Why should that even be a problem? I know it happens but what at all…okay, you I will update my Instagram profile,” she quipped. 

Some divorced female creatives have advised that women stay away from using their husbands’ names as their stages names. They say the difficulty of re-branding in the unlikely event of divorce is usually dire. 

Some women in showbiz also face pay gap, sexual harassment and other forms of discrimination in the industry.

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For me, the keyword in this statement is the term “trend.” A divorce rate of 4 out of 10 is just unnecessarily high and we, as a society need to figure out ways to lower it.

As a Master Certified Relationship Coach, I want to use my Conscious Dating Programs to help create a “trend” to make people better daters and do just that.

At the heart of almost all poor relationships (especially the ones that lead to divorce) is the fact that too many people ignore the relationship’s “red flags”. The things that are wrong with the partner or the relationship itself.

These red flags are generally easy to spot if you know what you are looking for, but it’s the not accepting them part that leads to removing yourself from the relationship that is the real skill.

Below is a list of my top 10 red flags that you should look out for, and if possible avoid, in all of your relationships.

Here are 10 signs he is so wrong for you on all levels:

1. Lack of communication

The foundation of a quality relationship is the ability for you and your partner to have an open dialogue when it comes to letting each other know each other’s thoughts as a way to problem-solve most relationship issues. If your partner fails to have basic communication skills, then conflicts rarely are resolved and your wants and needs in the relationship are unlikely to ever be met.

2. Lack of trust

Few relationships can recover from this red flag, as it is the cornerstone of almost any committed relationship. Trust can be lost because of things like cheating, lies, or abuse, and once it’s gone, it’s nearly impossible to get it back.

3. Actions don’t match his words

This is one red flag that I find few people pay attention to. As the titles indicate, this happens when your partner says they will do something (or won’t do something) and the preceding action does NOT correspond with those words.

These might be simple things, like saying they will call you back shortly and never do, or something larger like saying they won’t talk to an ex anymore, yet continue to do so.

The important thing is to pay attention to the words/action correlation and if patterns of mismatch occur you’re entering the flag-raising territory.

4. Significant family and friends don’t like him

I know some of you reading this may shrug this one off, reasoning this is your life, not theirs, isn’t it? The fact remains that when significant others in your life don’t like your partner for whatever reason, they generally have your best interest at heart.

I agree, that you don’t have to take unwanted dating advice, but when it comes to red flags, if you see family and friends pointing into some blowing in the wind, you should turn and pay attention.

5. Controlling or abusive behavior

This may be the easiest red flag of the bunch to see if you are on the other end of the abhorrent behavior. My best advice to those who see even small signs of this kind of behavior early on in a relationship is to NOT accept it and quickly move on.

6. No resolution from past relationships

Real behavioral changes for any person take lots of work, so if your partner (or even date) has tumultuous relationships with numerous family members, multiple exes, and/or has lots of conflicts with people around them, then it’s fair to assume they have conflict-resolution issues. And without self-help work in this area conflict will invariably seep its way in any future relationship with them.

7. You’re not a priority or your priority level drops 

Being treated as a priority by a partner (and my husband does!) has always been a must-have. New dating excitement can indeed skew the levels as they tend to be higher early in relationships, but simple signs like significant changes in the amount or types of thoughtful acts (i.e. gift giving) or the volume of quality time you spend says a lot.

8. Different relationship goals than him

I can’t tell you how many times I have heard about a budding relationship where one person says they want kids and the other says they do not, but the couple stays together for years anyway (and usually breaks up over the issue).

In my Conscious DatinProgramms, this kind of goal is part of what I call your Life Vision. And when the major ones like Family Vision (as in above) Financial Vision or Lifestyle Vision are not in alignment with your partners, you can almost certainly see what color the flag should be.

9. Lack of physical contact (affection or intimacy)

I realize that lack of physical contact has a fairly broad spectrum for a red flag since when it comes to things like intimacy, they can ebb and flow for a relationship and also (understandably) change over time. The fact is that if you and your partner are not in agreement about the amount and/or kinds of physical contact you require, eventually someone is going to get the deficit somewhere else. As human beings, we generally crave (if not require) human touch from a partner in some form. From simple hand-holding to a morning kiss, to hot, sweaty intimacy, you must get what you require to be happy because when you don’t red flag meter must wonder why.

10. Irresponsible and immature behavior

I group these two because they seem to go hand and hand so often. When you have a mate who acts in ways that are not age-appropriate or prevents them from being a productive and responsible member of the relationship team.

You typically have two choices for action: ignore it or become some kind of parental figure to change the behaviors. That’s why separately, or together, they are such red flags because neither choice will keep you in a happy relationship for long. You deserve to love and be loved the way you want.

Consuming such content as a teenager and young adult, you imagine you will find love at your first attempt, but the reality is harsh for many people.

The proverbial frogs that come before the prince can be exhausting. Going on dates and trying to form connections with different people every so often can be exhausting, so I was so excited when I met Max.

My friend carried me along to attend her friend’s birthday party. Max was the birthday boy. He looked so cool. He had a tribal tattoo on his arm before they became common.

Even with the ‘cool guy’ vibe, he was social and interacted with everybody at the party. When he came to where I was, I took the chance to ask him about his tattoo.

“Cool tattoo. Can I see the whole design?” I asked him.

“Whoa, maybe learn my name first before asking me to strip,” he joked.

“Oh, where’s the fun in starting at the first base when we can make our order? I responded.

We talked for the rest of the night. He eventually showed me the whole tattoo and explained that he had tweaked a part of the design to incorporate his idea of identity.

Besides having a pretty face and toned body, he had depth.

Our conversations flowed with ease. There was hardly any topic that we couldn’t have a discussion. He was knowledgeable, which I absolutely loved about him.

It helped that he was well-travelled, but he was a curious person, so he picked up a lot of knowledge from different sources. We could talk about politics, music, sports, family and finances from watching a two-minute clip of something.

As you decide what traits you want in a partner, you begin to identify qualities that matter to you. Being with a great conversationalist was essential to me because you would not run out of things to talk about even after the honeymoon phase was over. It also helped us form a friendship.

I gushed about him to my friend. “What has Max said this time?” My friend would tease me if I went too long without mentioning him.

I always had something Max had said about an issue because we talked daily. The connection was undeniable — or at least I thought it was. They say the best foundation for a lasting relationship is friendship, and I felt we were building that foundation.

We went to many places together. We both enjoyed trying out different types of food, so we sampled restaurants around the city and its environs.

After a number of hangouts we could even recommend stuff to each other because we had learnt what the other person enjoys. He’d be out with his friends and text me that I would enjoy fish from a particular place because it had an ingredient I liked. Max checked almost all my boxes.

Our bond grew with each passing day, and we even helped each other with serious stuff. He’d tell me about his workplace and the people he interacted with, and I felt like I knew them. When he needed to figure out how to handle a situation, he’d sometimes say, “You’re more patient with people than I am; what would you do if you were in my shoes?” I would give him my opinion. It felt like we were a team.

He would also volunteer minute details about his day, and having experienced men who treated such communication like ‘reporting’ his whereabouts, it did a number on me. I told my friend that I felt I had found the love of my life.

We hadn’t started dating officially, but he was sharing information that you ought to tell your significant other.

Max would also work towards finding solutions. For example, when I had a problem with my laptop, while technology wasn’t his forte, he looked for information on how to solve the problem. When we couldn’t do it ourselves, he asked for technician recommendations.

He remembered insignificant details, and when I said I wanted to do something, he held me accountable.

In my mind were getting to know each other before putting labels on our relationship. Then suddenly, he went quiet for about two weeks. He didn’t ghost me, but the frequency of communication was reduced. Then, we went back to communicating daily.

Out of the blue, we were talking about house designs when he casually mentioned that his girlfriend had a similar opinion to mine.

“Your girlfriend?” I asked. I hoped he would say he meant a girl who was his friend.

“Yes. I didn’t tell you I started dating recently?” Max responded.

“Oh, I don’t remember you mentioning it,” I said, trying to hide the sting.

“I met someone and I think she could be the one,” he said excitedly.

I feigned excitement and immediately called my friend. “The love of my life has found the love of his life,” I told her. I explained what had happened.

“Wait, so what have you guys been doing?” She asked me.

“I don’t know. I’m surprised that he was able to form a deep connection with someone else at the same time we were talking and doing all those things together. I’m hurt,” I said.

“Sorry babe. I don’t even know what to say. I’m shocked,” my friend replied.

Seeing as he had never asked me out officially, I took the hint and moved on. Finding that connection with someone is, however, difficult.

These worries and feelings of insecurity often relate to their poor self-esteem and need to please others, but they are also unfounded. Most men aren’t like this at all.

Here are 8 tiny things women worry about in relationships that men don’t even notice:

1. “Does he find me attractive?”

Ladies, if he is spending time with you, then he finds you attractive. End of story. Guys don’t sit around and obsess about what you are wearing your hairstyle or your eye makeup. 

They are usually not that shallow. They tend to just see the whole picture and either ask you out or look the other way. 

Once you get that first date, then it becomes more about your sense of humor your intelligence, and your personality. After that first date, they may give you an approving look or compliment your outfit if you look especially hot. But it’s not something they notice as much as you think.

2. “Does he think I’m fat?”

Again, if he has asked you out, then you have passed his criteria. Your constant comments about your weight, your derriere, and the flatness of your stomach are only drawing his attention to your insecurity. And insecurity is a turn-off for most guys. 

One of the biggest turn-ons is confidence, so stop asking him if you’re fat! If he does seem to focus on your weight or comment on it frequently, then he might not be the right guy for you. Acceptance is a huge part of love and relationships.

3. “Is he ignoring my texts? Why isn’t he answering me?”

Most men have a different texting timetable than women. He might be working out, talking to his male friends, taking a dump, getting some work done, playing video games, or a variety of other activities. He is probably not staring at his phone, just waiting for your text. 

If he is, then how attractive is a guy that doesn’t have better things to do? And, honestly, haven’t you sometimes take a while to respond to a text? It only seems to take longer when you are waiting for a response. 

Don’t forget, a watched pot never boils. Try to not respond to your anxiety by blowing up his phone with a string of increasingly angry texts. Unless, of course, you would like to fight.

4. “Why am I putting more effort into making plans than he does?”

Most guys are happy just going along with whatever you’d like to do. They don’t make the plans because they don’t know what you want to do and they are terrified of guessing wrong. They’re pretty content just sitting around with their friends, drinking beer, and playing video games. 

Is that really what you want to do? Then stop complaining, and plan something more fun! When your guy is with you, he wants to do something different than what he does with his friends anyway. 

5. “Will my friends like him?”

If you like him, then your friends will probably like him. If you are worried about what they will think, then either you aren’t feeling that great about the relationship or you need less critical friends. Most guys never even worry about what their friends think.

6. “Is my apartment clean and will he think I’m messy?”

Trust me…he doesn’t care. I’m pretty sure it’s cleaner than his place if you are even worrying about this. 

And if you are at the point in the relationship where you have invited him to your place, then there are going to be other things on his mind other than your apartment’s cleanliness.

7. “Is he attracted to someone else?”

Unfortunately, this can become a huge problem in your relationship since it can turn into a nasty self-fulfilling prophecy. A self-fulfilling prophecy is a prediction that you make about the future (“I will probably have a terrible time at the party”) which you then proceed to validate (“I didn’t talk to anybody or smile or dance at the party and I had a terrible time”). 

After one of these self-fulfilling prophesies, everyone then says the same thing — “See? I told you so!” What they don’t realize is that they created the reality that they didn’t want. 

This can happen when you worry about whether your boyfriend is attracted to other women. The more that you worry about it, the more you seem insecure and needy. You tend to question him more, act jealous around other girls, and set ridiculous rules for his behavior. 

These types of behaviors can make him question the relationship and can come between the two of you. Before you know it, he finds himself looking at other women. Most secure guys are not worried about your relationship with him or about your friendships with other guys. 

If you have a healthy relationship, then you both should feel secure and trust each other.  However, if he does seem to be overly concerned about your attraction to other guys or is controlling about your behavior, then you should be concerned. It most likely means that your relationship is not secure and trusting.

8. “Does he think about me when I’m not around like I think about him?”

Research has shown that women are better at multitasking than men and require less brainpower to do so. It is much easier for you to think about him while you move through your other tasks and activities during your day. However, women often feel overwhelmed and scattered as a result. 

Men focus better on one thing at a time, and so he is thinking about work when he is at work and thinking about you when he is with you. This doesn’t mean that he loves you any less than you love him. 

So don’t expect that he is thinking about you all the time. You’ll only be disappointed and angry which will cause more tension in the relationship and lead to more fights. 

Instead, focus on all of his positive traits and your loving feelings, and you’ll look forward to seeing him.

The courage it takes to take that final step before letting yourself go. Most days when I have such deep thoughts, you’ll find me on the rooftop of a building looking down. If you look carefully from below it’s easy to assume that I’m suicidal.  

If you have lived in Nairobi though, you probably know that life isn’t like the movies. People don’t care that much about what other people choose to do with their lives. This is why I was so shocked the day I was peacefully staring at the city and a random man rushed towards me.   

“Please don’t jump!” He said as he pulled me away from the ledge.   

I felt the need to tell him that I wasn’t planning to jump but decided to wait for “the pep talk”. You know the one that people say to get you to view life differently and change your decision. Instead, he looked at me and handed me a packet of Skittles.   

“I didn’t know what to say next. However, whenever I feel bad my sister always gives me a packet of Skittles. They make life a little better in that moment,” He said.  

I won’t lie, that was the cheesiest thing I had ever heard but I loved Skittles so I took the packet from his hands. That small act of kindness led to the beginning of an amazing friendship. We ended up talking for two hours and by the time we parted, I had enjoyed our conversation so much.   

The funny thing was we didn’t even exchange numbers, on another random day we found each other on the same rooftop. Like me, he was also a great sucker for a good view and deep thoughts. And from that day on, James became a huge part of my life, my best friend.   

Most of the people in our lives never believed that a man and woman could ever have a bond like ours.

One time my mum even told my relatives that we were both friends because one of us was secretly in love with the other. Typical Nairobi mindset. James and I had been there for each other through different seasons of our lives, especially relationships.   

Being an extremely good-looking man, James always attracted beautiful but sometimes intense women. Just because he was my friend doesn’t mean I never noticed how handsome he was.

However, I had never thought of him as a potential for me. He knew way too much, and, in my view, he made up for the female best friend I never had. Anyway, back to his relationships.

James always found himself dealing with intense women who would go to any extent for his attention and approval.

One of his exes hit another woman with a bottle at a club just because she was admiring James. So, to be on the safe side I always tried my best to keep my distance. 

Due to their demanding nature, James could never maintain a relationship for longer than five months. For that reason, I never once thought that he would ever end up really liking someone until the day he fell for his supervisor at work. Jeanette was stunning like the women you see in magazines stunning.

One look at her and you couldn’t even guess that she was in her 40s. Jeanette had recently lost her husband and so she wasn’t open to being with another man. Furthermore, James knew that the only way things would ever work out was if one person decided to quit their job.   

Given that his salary was good and his working conditions were favourable, there was no way he would ever leave his job for a woman. James decided the best way to deal with his feelings was to bury them and move on. This was better said than done.   

Working closely with her made it difficult for them to maintain a working relationship and with time they ended up sneaking around.

This went on for four months until one of the other employees caught them messing around in the washroom and reported them to HR. Now that they had been caught, they were offered two choices. To stop fooling around and focus on work or to quit.   

James thought about all the moments they had shared and realized he had fallen in love with her. So, he stepped up and said he would let go of his job if it meant being with her. Jeanette on the other hand was not ready to leave her job.

They were given a final warning and sent off. James knew he couldn’t deal with nursing a heartbreak while still working with her so he decided to quit.   

The thought of having to start looking for a job while forgetting about Jeanette weighed him down. So, like a good friend, I stepped in and offered a shoulder.

After one month, James started to accept the situation and move on with his life. Our lives went on as normal but just when you think the worst is over, another problem arises.   

James and I had formed a culture of staying in and playing games on weekends. Our favourite being Monopoly. To make the game interesting we would invite a few of our other friends.

During one of our game nights, we heard a knock on the door. James stood up to go open the door and found Jeanette holding an envelope. She handed him the envelope and left immediately. He opened the envelope and found an ultrasound baby photo.   

After the month he had, this was the last thing he needed. However, given that James had grown up without a father he knew he had to step up.

Jeanette was an independent woman who believed that she didn’t need a man to raise her baby. Even so, James was always prepared to make her pregnancy journey more bearable.   

The two would go for checkups together and he would offer to take her home. To ensure she had all she needed he went back to the company he worked for and begged for his job back. Luckily, they accepted and he started immediately. James let go of all his clubbing habits and focused on Jeanette’s health. 

He always took it upon himself to do her shopping and would even offer to cook for her on weekends. Jeanette slowly started to warm up to the idea of them being a family. However, she knew that James was only doing this for the baby.  

In her seventh month, I ended up having to move in with James for a short period. My apartment required fumigation and since my parents lived far, he was my only option. James, being the loving best friend he was, offered me his second bedroom. In the morning he went to shower as I was making breakfast. Suddenly, there was a knock on the door and to my surprise it was Jeanette.   

I had never had the chance to meet her and so it was exciting to finally see her in person. On the other hand, she wasn’t that pleased to see me.   

“Hey, do we have an appointment today?” James said as he walked down the stairs.  

“No, I just wanted to run a few things by you,” She replied while still staring at me, specifically what I was wearing.   

I had formed a habit of walking around the house in a short and vest. James and I had become so comfortable around each other that he didn’t seem to mind.

“Okay, come in. This is Liz, my best friend that I am always telling you about,” He said.   

“Nice to meet you,” I said as I extended my hand.  

“Likewise,” She said as she walked in and made her way to the sofa.  

I wasn’t one to cause drama over petty jealousy so I closed the door and went upstairs to give them space to talk. An hour later, she left, and I noticed that James didn’t give me the 411 as usual. Anyway, I went about my business.  

The following weekend, Jeanette called James abruptly and he dashed out of the house. She had fallen and sprained her leg but luckily the baby was okay. James, realizing that her living alone was a danger to the baby, asked her to stay with him so he could take care of her. That was the beginning of my nightmare.   

Jeanette never liked me and so she always tried her best to ensure James and I couldn’t spend time together. Even though her leg was sprained she was always doing the most.

She would cook for him every day, clean his clothes and even interrupt our game nights with “emergencies”. She had made us believe she was in labour twice just so his attention could shift to her.   

Not to mention all the petty things she would do to me whenever James was not around. I preferred editing from home and so when I would take breaks, she would switch off the Wi-Fi. This would end up disrupting my flow of work.

Sometimes she would finish up food in the name of cravings but I knew it was on purpose. The worst part was, I knew that telling James all these things would affect our friendship so that wasn’t an option.   

Instead, I decided to talk to her and assure her that if she wanted James then I would never stand in her way. However, I reminded her that given what she had done to him, I had to be cautious and protect James. She took it surprisingly well and agreed to stop being petty which she did.   

The two of us lived in harmony for a few days until she pulled the worst possible stunt ever. James had been sent to Nakuru for three days for work.

So, he left on a Friday morning after breakfast. Jeanette was still sleeping so I put on my headphones and started working.

An hour later, she came downstairs, grabbed the headphones from my head and asked me to make breakfast for her.   

“Are you feeling unwell?” I asked.  

“Yes, I feel a little tired,” She said.  

“Okay let me call Leah to come and she’ll be able to help you with what you need,” I said.  

Leah was the lady James would call from time to time to help out with housework. She was also a great cook.  

“Why can’t you do it? Leah will take time to get here and I’m hungry,” She said.  

“I have work to finish editing. Let me tell her to hurry,” I said as I texted Leah.  

“I can’t believe how selfish you are being. I’m not giving these back until you make my breakfast,” She said as she held onto my headphones.   

“Fine, stay with them,” I said.  

She walked over to the living room, switched on the TV and played music at 100% volume.   

“I thought we agreed that you won’t be petty,” I said.  

She ignored me.  

“Give me my headphones!” I snapped as I tried taking them from her.   

We ended up doing a push and pull and she fell on the floor.   

“Oh my God, are you okay?” I asked her as I grabbed the remote, reduced the volume and rushed to help her.  

She had scrapped her hand on the side of the table and was bleeding. I rushed to look for the first aid kit and heard a knock on the door. Knowing she couldn’t answer, I rushed back and opened for Leah the door then went back to the bathroom to look for the kit.   

When I came back to treat her wound, James called me and so I picked up.  

“Are you trying to kill my baby?” He asked in an angry tone.  

“James cool down, she just scrapped her hand a little,” I said.  

“Why were you fighting with her in the first place?” He asked.  

“You think I was fighting with a pregnant woman?” I said.  

“Take her to the hospital now and you better hope my baby is okay!” He snapped.  

I hang up the call and called an Uber immediately. Jeanette ended up being okay and they dressed up her wound. I took her home and went for a walk to clear my head. By the time I got back, I was shocked to find James in the house. They were on the floor and judging from the look on his face, he was about to blame me for something else.  

“What now?” I said.  

“Jeanette tripped and fell. Luckily, she didn’t get hurt,” He replied.  

“Let me guess, you think I pushed her?” I replied sarcastically.  

“No but judging by today’s events I can’t completely rule out that thought,” He said bluntly.  

“You know I thought the women you dated had issues but Jeanette is on a whole new level,” I said.  

“Excuse me?” She said.  

“You have been such a nuisance since the day you got here. James, you know me, I would never put anyone’s life in danger,” I said.  

“I think it’s time you left my house,” He said.  

“What?” I replied.  

“I’m not going to lose my baby because of your petty drama. Jeanette is the mother of my child, and I can’t trust her around you,” He said.  

“You know what? I don’t have to deal with this. One day you’ll know the truth and I hope you will be able to forgive yourself,” I said.  

James ignored what I said and turned to ask Jeanette if there was anything she needed.   

I packed my bags, called an Uber and left without looking at either of them. It was unbelievable that after all these years a woman that wasn’t even his girlfriend would make him think I was jealous.

My apartment had been okay for a while, but I enjoyed staying with James, so I had never bothered to tell him.   

When I got home, I decided to give James space hoping we would be able to fix our issues soon.

This was our first major fight in years and although I was disappointed in what he said I didn’t like it when he was mad at me. The days went by, and James never reached out. Slowly I started to adjust to my life without him even though I missed him. 

After a month, I decided to check in and see how he was doing so I called him. He didn’t pick up my call and never called me back, so I sent him and text. He opened it and blue-ticked me before going offline.   

“Guess I have to accept that our friendship is over,” I thought to myself.  

A couple of months went by, and I slowly went back to my habit of going to the rooftop of my building. It helped me to remain sane as I dealt with my emotions. One evening I found James standing at my spot in silence. I walked up to him, and we both found ourselves apologizing at the same time.   

He told me about Jeanette and how he found out that the pregnancy was not his. To make matters worse, she had been deleting texts and calls so he wouldn’t talk to any woman who wasn’t a family member. I handed him the packet of Skittles I had in my hand.

He smiled at me and we both stared at the view. I knew our friendship had been stained and it would take time for things to get back to the way they were.

However, at that moment none of that mattered, I was comfortable just being there with him in silence.   

Let’s have a real chat about something that might have you breaking a sweat – getting a girl’s number.

Now, we’re not talking about cheesy pick-up lines or forced moves. This is about being your genuine self and making a real connection.

Whether you’re at a café, a party, or just out and about, these seven tips are your golden ticket to confidently and respectfully get that number, and who knows, it could be the start of something special.

So, let’s discuss these game-changing tips, shall we?

Confidence is Key

First things first, confidence is your best friend. But remember, there’s a fine line between confidence and arrogance.

Approach her with a friendly, relaxed vibe. A genuine smile and eye contact can set a positive tone for the conversation.

Start with casual conversation

Don’t dive in too fast. Start with a casual, light-hearted chat. It could be about the setting you’re in, a shared interest, or a simple, “How’s your day going?” The key is to break the ice smoothly.

Show genuine interest

Listen to what she says and show genuine interest. Ask questions based on what she’s telling you. It shows you care about her thoughts and opinions, making the conversation more engaging for both of you.

Respect her space

Personal space matters. Maintain a comfortable distance – close enough to engage effectively but not too close to be intimidating. Respecting her space shows her respect and understanding.

Humour always helps

A bit of humour can go a long way. If you can get her to laugh or smile, you’re on the right track. Just keep it light and avoid any jokes that could be taken the wrong way.

Compliments, not flattery

Compliment her, but keep it sincere and non-creepy. Compliments about her smile, style, or something she’s said are way better than cheesy, over-the-top flattery.

Politely ask for her number

After a nice chat, if things seem to be going well, it’s time to make your move. Politely ask for her number. You might say, “I’ve really enjoyed talking to you. Can I have your number so we can continue this conversation later?”

Remember, getting a girl’s number should always be about mutual interest and respect. If she says no, it’s not the end of the world. Be gracious, wish her a good day, and move on. Respect her decision, there’s plenty more fish in the sea.

However, some situations are hard to escape. I never planned on being entangled in an on-and-off relationship but unfortunately, I fell in love with the wrong person.

I was 26 years old at the time and feeling myself. I’d go out almost every evening with some of my workmates. That was how I met Mike. He was seated by himself in a dark corner.

His table was littered with all kinds of things – car keys, an iPad, a bottle of whiskey, pack of cigarettes. You name it. He seemed lost in his world but the waiters stood close by in case he needed something.

Something was mesmerizing about him. I watched him for a while as he sipped his whiskey and scrolled on his iPad. Then, he got up, picked up his belongings, handed the waiter a few thousand notes then headed out.

I was disappointed since I was fantasizing about how he would come to ask my name and we would live happily ever after. I didn’t want to miss the opportunity so I ran out and tried to catch up but I didn’t see him.

While walking back, I bumped into him at the entrance.

“Hi.” He said with a smile on his face.

“Hi,” I answered, almost blushing.

I pulled myself together and stood confidently but anytime he talked I couldn’t help but swoon.

“You’re really pretty. Do you come here often?” He asked.

“Yes, this is one of my favourite spots.”

“Oh, I’ve never seen you around.”

“How will you see me when all your face is buried in your iPad.”

“I’m sorry. I have had so much work lately. I’m headed back to the office.”

“So you can’t take any time off?”

“I can take time off for you. Let me have your number. I’ll call you when I leave the office. Will you still be here?”

“Yeah. It’s Friday. I’m not going anywhere anytime soon.”

I had met many guys in the past but none had made me feel the way Mike did that day. As I said, there was something special about him.

He came back to the club later that night and joined our table. Everyone liked him, especially since he bought us drinks and shisha. We went home together and the following day, he took me for breakfast before dropping me off at my place.

“See you soon, beautiful.”

We didn’t officially get in a relationship but he did everything that a boyfriend would do. We talked every day and met up regularly. I used to spend weeks at his place.

The relationship just flowed naturally. There was nothing forced since we were on the same page. However, they say when the deal is too good, think twice. I always wondered what was amiss in the relationship. Mike provided everything for me yet I had a gut feeling that something was wrong.

I thought that he was one of those romance scammers because he knew all the right things to say and do. However, he was the one who paid for everything and never asked me to give him any money.

“How can someone be so perfect?” I asked my workmate.

“Don’t overthink things. Just enjoy the moment. You deserve the princess treatment.”

I tried to take my workmate’s advice but it turned out my suspicions were right all along. Mike was a certified lover boy. He had not one, not two but three girlfriends. How he managed to hide it from me so well, I’ll never know. However, he came clean after being in a relationship with him for over a year.

Naturally, I was upset and ended the relationship but a few weeks later, we reconciled and continued our lives as if nothing had happened. I didn’t confront him about the other relationships but I assumed he had ended things with the other girls.

He hadn’t. I suppose one of the girls found out that we had gotten back together and thought I should know that she was still seeing Mike.

“Why didn’t you end the relationship?” I asked her.

“Where would I find a guy like Mike? If he wants to have 10 girlfriends, let him as long as he’s taking care of your needs.”

She was right. Being in a relationship with Mike was amazing. He didn’t just take care of the bills, he made me feel loved. I didn’t know whether to end the relationship again. However, I wasn’t comfortable with the thought of sharing my man. I tried but I couldn’t.

We ended up breaking up again and I thought that was the end of the relationship. Mike tried to convince me to get back together with him several times but I was adamant. Finally, he promised to end things with the other girls.

“I’ve ended the other relationships.” He said, then sent me screenshots of messages between him and the girls telling them that he was ending the relationship.

I was convinced and we got back together. For some time, Mike was monogamous and I thought that he had changed. However, it didn’t last long. I found out he was back to his old way after finding messages between him and another girl.

It was so frustrating because Mike was a great boyfriend but I knew that the relationship wouldn’t amount to anything since I would never be okay with sharing a man, no matter how perfect he is.

Finally, we ended the relationship for good after dating for three years. I felt lost since I was almost in my 30’s and I was single yet most of my friends were getting married and having kids. However, I wasn’t willing to settle for anything less than what I knew I deserved.

Trying to make someone who cares about you feel bad is an old trick used to manipulate behavior and belief systems.

Do you feel your partner or someone important to you is guilt-tripping you in a relationship? Would you like to know if you have guilt-tripped in the past, and that’s why you behave a certain way or hold a particular belief system?

Here are 10 signs your partner is a major guilt-tripper:

1. They always make you feel bad

Does your partner suggest you do not work as hard as them, their parents, or other people they know at home, work, or both? That’s guilt-tripping I dealt with a lot in my relationship.

2. They use the past against you

If your partner keeps bringing up the past to control you, that’s guilt-tripping.

3. They make you feel guilty by never letting you forget how great they are

Does your partner keep reminding you of favors they did for you? It might be just one favor, and they keep mentioning it so they can guilt trip you in doing whatever they need to be done.

4. They use your feelings against you

Some partners have mastered faking emotions, whether anger or sorrow, but won’t directly tell you what they need. You start running around trying to figure out what their pain is and do things to appease them.

These are expert manipulators, and their response is a stale “nothing” or silence to guilt-trip you into moving mountains to please them.

5. They use conflict avoidance against you

The silent treatment could last for a very long time to guilt trip you to gain eternal favors. Guilt is a strong emotion in the human psyche. The silent treatment is an art, and it could be argued that it’s the topmost form of emotional guilt-tripping.

You are stuck in suspended animation as you have nothing to go with except what you are feeling within — mostly confusion and guilt.

6. They assume the role of a disapproving parent

Often, I have seen a partner assume the role of a disapproving parent and guilt trip you through cold shoulders, sideways looks they give you, and even using “that” tone in their voice.

7. They will tell you that you “owe” them

This form of direct guilt-tripping happens rarely, but it still does when your partner tells you directly you “owe” them.

8. They engage in passive-aggressive behavior

When your partner doesn’t want to directly ask for something because they are not “that” person but will tell you how someone else does something for their partner without asking for it. That’s passive-aggressive guilt-tripping.

9. They thrive on “tough love”

When your partner belittles your efforts so you do more for them, that’s another way your partner is guilt-tripping you. But, if you ever question them, they will say, “I care about you.” or things like, “I know you can do more/better.” or “It’s for your good.”

10. They constantly gaslight you

Gaslighting is another form of guilt-tripping. This is abuse carried out by master manipulators in a relationship. And, to me, it’s the cruelest form of guilt-tripping. They do something and deny it so convincingly you start wondering if you are going insane.

Impacts of guilt-tripping in relationships

You might stop trusting your partner and feel like you always walk on eggshells.

Feeling belittled is common if you have been guilt-tripped for a long time. You might fear that your partner has spies in your close relationships, and you might feel fear even when your partner isn’t with you.

Your partner might fulfill their demands but is losing the relationship, and resentment runs high. When guilt-tripping in relationships goes on for some time, it might backfire, and the other partner may start to use it, too.

Then guilt-tripping might become the norm in the relationship. Or, the relationship dissolves, and whoever feels they’re being taken advantage of might walk away. The long-term feelings of resentment might ultimately be too much to bear.

This behavior affects your emotional, physical, and mental health. If mental illness is present among either partner, it could be made worse.

How to cope with guilt-tripping in relationships

Direct talk helps. Maybe your partner doesn’t know how else to get what they want. Acknowledge their emotions and share with them your feelings of guilt. Help them develop a healthier way to communicate their needs.

Learning to set boundaries and sustaining them over time will help. Let your partner know that you can and will do what they ask you to do, but only as much as you can, and stick to what you say.

But don’t communicate, even through body language, that you don’t mind and allow the cycle to continue. That’s a great way to send mixed signals that can be taken advantage of.

If you continue without speaking up, you will start guilt-tripping others you’re in a relationship with, maybe your children or family who care about you.

If it turns out you’ve done all you can and guilt-tripping in relationships won’t stop for you, then you may need to look for professional help to reclaim your life.