In moderation self-pleasure helps to reduce stress, improve sleep quality and mood, but it can become ‘an unhealthy habit’ and trigger a form of erectile dysfunction.

‘Overall, there’s no strict rule or guideline on how much people should masturbate,’ says Dr Donald Grant, GP and senior clinical advisor at The Independent Pharmacy.

‘But when masturbation gets out of hand, there’s a variety of ways it can impact sexual and physical health.’

A key concern is the rise of porn use: half of adults in the UK now access graphic material online, according to a recent survey by media watchdog Ofcom — and Dr Grant links this to the rise in porn-induced erectile dysfunction, or PIED.

Up to 50 per cent of adult men suffer from some degree of erectile dysfunction, according to the British Association of Urological Surgeons.

It is often associated with obesity, high blood pressure, high cholesterol and diabetes — but can also have no obvious cause.

One lesser-known culprit could be PIED, claims Dr Grant.

‘PIED is a type of erectile dysfunction that stems from an unhealthy consumption of pornography.

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‘This unhealthy porn usage can lead to desensitisation, making it more difficult for men to achieve and maintain an erection — as they’re used to more intense sexual activity seen on screen.

‘It can lead to reduced interest in sex with actual partners as men prioritise porn and masturbation instead.’

More worryingly, Dr Grant warns that compulsive masturbation could trigger physical changes that affect intimacy.

Experts warn that too much ‘self-pleasure’ can reduce sensitivity in the genital region

‘Compulsive masturbation can lead to reduced sensitivity in the genital area, making it more difficult to achieve sexual pleasure or stimulation.

‘It can occur when nerve endings become damaged from too much activity, creating a loss of sensitivity.

‘This can also impact individuals who masturbate too roughly, causing potential friction damage.

‘Thankfully, this is a short-term issue and factors such as taking breaks or utilising lubricants can help restore sensitivity.

‘And thankfully, there are a range of treatments available to men who are struggling with ED, helping them manage a healthy sex life and achieve erections with ease.’

Demand for these are also booming. NHS prescriptions for the erection boosting medications have risen to a record level in England, recent official data suggests.

A total of 4.57million prescriptions for sildenafil, more commonly known by the brand name Viagra, and other types of impotency drugs sold under the brand names Cialis and Levitra, were dished out by the health service in 2023.

This is an increase of 130,000 prescriptions compared to the previous year from 4.44million and an extra 20,000 compared to 2019’s figures.

Dr Grant added that ‘over-masturbating’ can be damaging in other ways.

Up to 50 per cent of adult men suffer from some degree of erectile dysfunction, according to the British Association of Urological Surgeons.

 It can cause men and women to become ‘hyper-focused on their own pleasure, meaning when the time comes for sexual intercourse with a partner, individuals could experience performance anxiety, which directly impacts sex drive.’

The question of how much is too much is subjective, he admitted.

‘Masturbation habits can differ largely from person to person with some people doing it daily, weekly or not at all.

‘It’s important to monitor the sexual activity to ensure it doesn’t interfere with social lives, work or relationships.

‘Additionally, discomfort or injury is usually a telltale sign that the masturbation sessions are becoming too much and harming health.

‘It’s important to maintain a healthy but sensible sex life through masturbation, ensuring it’s not at the expense of daily activities.

‘Some people can even experience mental distress due to guilt or shame relating to their masturbation — this can stem from porn usage or other factors, but can have a big effect on people’s mental well-being.

‘Overall, common sense is required to ensure it remains a recreational activity without interfering with other aspects of daily life.’

Dr Grant advises those concerned they are suffering from PIED to  ‘speak openly about the situation with your partner’ to help alleviate some of the anxiety surrounding the issues.

‘Overall, while masturbation comes with a variety of health benefits, I believe it’s also important to manage activity to avoid some short and long-term health risks.’

 A student in one of our tertiary institutions called in to say he masturbated twice on a daily basis and was struggling to stop it. He is not alone. Masturbation is common and fast increasing in young men and women, workers and married even when they are married and have a good sex life.

The increasing rate of masturbation is global. For example, a study in the United States of America showed that more than half of American women ages 18-49 both single and with partners masturbate at least once every two months.

Again, a study in the United States of America showed that 74 per cent of American men and 48 per cent of American women between ages 14-17 masturbate, while among older adults, 63 per cent of men and 35 per cent of women between ages 57 and 64 masturbate.

                                                             Why masturbation?

The increasing corruption of morals promoted by the commercialisation of vice including profane songs and provocative dressing arouses curiosity to learn their sexual response and explore their sexuality. Women who can bring themselves to orgasm by masturbation are more likely to have orgasms with their partners. Men who masturbate for 10-15 minutes without ejaculation are less likely to have premature ejaculation

 Some people masturbate because they have a high sexual drive, while their partners have a low sexual drive. Some use masturbation when their lovers are unavailable, sick, pregnant, disabled or lactating.

Some masturbate because they have repressed feelings caused by social barriers, feelings of isolation, dissatisfaction, inferiority complex, lack of affection and anxiety regarding guilt.

                                                 Effects of masturbation

Masturbation harms all areas of human life. Physically, maturation weakens the immune system and predisposes you to constipation disturbing functions of the blood, weakened pelvic muscles and sexual organs and may lead to erectile dysfunctions such as premature ejaculation. Studies also show masturbation predisposes you to lower back pain, headache, pain in the testes, weakness in the shoulders, legs and headaches.

Mentally, masturbation harms the mind. It leads to depression, confusion, lack of motivation, distraction from work and studies and unsatisfied sex with a partner. Some worry masturbation conflicts with religious and cultural beliefs and experience feelings of guilt. 

For example, in a study in Sexual Medicine involving 430 men, 84 per cent reported feeling a sense of guilt. Masturbation, therefore, harms your responsibilities in life and your relationship with your partner and others.

Spiritually, masturbation is a grave sin and abuse of the body. This is because natural sexual urge is directed to a partner of the opposite sex and seeks satisfaction only in such a loving encounter.

 You may become addicted to masturbation and carry it into marriage. Some can’t enjoy sex with their partners without first masturbating. Some lose self-control, commitment and interest in marital sex. This makes a woman feel unhappy and inadequate. You can’t have a fulfilling marriage because you are more likely to fall into other sexual sins. People who masturbate have guilt which predisposes them to emotional, mental and social disorders.

                                                              Say no to masturbation

Masturbation is wrong. Therefore, if you are masturbating, accept today that it is wrong because it is extremely dangerous with serious physical, mental and spiritual consequences. You pervert your body when you use it for immoral purposes. You can’t separate values and roles. The temporal relief you can get from masturbation can’t compare with the deep and total emotional satisfaction you could lose for a lifetime. A temporal solution could be a lifetime problem.

 Appreciate that sexual restraint is not harmful and that a chaste life does not hinder you in your personal development.   The good news is that maturity has its way of releasing stress. Men discharge seminal fluid in wet dreams. Menstrual flow in women expels eggs and cleanses the womb.  On your part, vigorous exercise is the best to release physical and emotional tension.

Please make every effort to stop masturbating because it could kill you and your marriage. Sexual sin, like any other sin, can be conquered. Be self-disciplined and live a life of prayer. 

Nothing will happen to you except what you put on your mind. Therefore, avoid negative thoughts and daydreams of pictures and conversations relating to sex. Seek counselling if necessary. Love your body and honour God with it because your body is the temple. Guide and care for it. Prepare it for the beautiful institution of marriage. He has instituted for you to reap amazing benefits.

Any genital love must be an act of expressing love for one another and being open to creating life. Masturbation fails on both scores. You must, therefore, say no to masturbation because it is wrong. No wrong can be pursued even for good ends. 

It is not associated with serious physical health risks, and for most people, it does not lead to any negative side effects.

However, excessive or compulsive masturbation can have some potential side effects, including:

Physical Discomfort: Frequent or aggressive masturbation can lead to physical discomfort, such as chafing, soreness, or irritation of the genitals.

Using lubrication can help prevent this.

Interference with Daily Life: If masturbation becomes excessive and interferes with your daily activities, responsibilities, or relationships.

It may be a sign of compulsive behavior that should be addressed.

Psychological Effects: In rare cases, excessive masturbation can lead to psychological issues, such as guilt, anxiety, or preoccupation with sexual thoughts.

These psychological effects are usually more related to feelings of shame or cultural and religious beliefs about masturbation rather than the act itself.

Sexual Dysfunction: Some individuals who excessively masturbate may find it difficult to become sexually aroused or reach orgasm with a partner due to desensitization from frequent self-stimulation.

This is relatively rare and can often be resolved with a break from masturbation.

It’s important to note that the effects of masturbation can vary greatly from person to person.

What is considered excessive or compulsive for one person may not be the same for another.

If you have concerns about your masturbation habits or are experiencing negative effects, consider speaking to a healthcare provider or therapist who can provide guidance and support.

Remember that there is no one-size-fits-all answer to questions about masturbation because individual experiences and needs can vary widely.

It’s important to prioritize your overall well-being and make choices that are comfortable and healthy for you.

Cornflakes might be popular, but did you know that the invention of cornflakes is actually linked to masturbation?

This can be traced back to Dr John Harvey Kellogg, a renowned physician and co-founder of the Kellogg cereal company. Dr Kellogg was an influential figure in the health and wellness sphere.

As a Seventh-day Adventist, he advocated for a wholesome lifestyle that included a vegetarian diet, regular exercise, and abstinence from alcohol and tobacco.

History says Dr Kellogg believed that certain dietary choices could suppress sexual desires and behaviours.

He perceived masturbation as a harmful and sinful act, often linked to physical and mental health issues.

As part of his quest to curb sexual impulses, he advocated for a bland, vegetarian diet, which he believed would lead to decreased libido and discourage masturbation, hence the cornflakes idea was born.

Cornflakes were among the foods endorsed by Dr Kellogg as part of his anti-masturbation regimen. At the time, it was plain and unsweetened cornflakes.

He claimed that consuming simple, non-stimulating foods like cornflakes would help reduce sexual thoughts and desires. Cornflakes, being a mild and unexciting cereal, were seen as an ideal addition to the diet for their supposed dampening effect on sexual arousal.

Even though Dr Kellogg’s health and wellness practices gained popularity during his time, his views on masturbation and dietary control were not without controversy. His approach to suppressing sexual urges through diet has been widely criticised as overly simplistic and scientifically unfounded.

Modern medical understanding emphasises that human sexuality is a complex aspect influenced by various biological, psychological, and social factors.

Today, the association between diet and sexual behaviour has been debunked by modern science. But it was still one of the drivers of the invention of our beloved cornflakes.

The singer who has in the last few years weaned herself from her five-year-marriage, said at a point, she was overshadowed by the urge of self-pleasure.

She attributed the acts as a sin against the flesh and a major temptation the devil uses in luring the children of God.

However, she said she has found by grace, and since then she has not had the urge for self-pleasure.

“I was a big masturbator and porn watcher but grace found me. Praise Jesus. If you’re like that and want deliverance, Jesus is the answer.”

For those who do not see masturbation as a sin, iOna opined that they are living in deceit and are under spiritual arrest.

The midwife indicated that “thinking masturbation is a way of self discovery is deceit. People say they do it to be able to know their bodies, but it’s a sin”.

she urged people who are battling with the acts to avoid sexual practices and seek refuge in the presence of God.

MOG Music, who doubles as a pastor, spent half a decade self-stimulating, he said in a recent interview on Delay Show monitored by Adomonline.com.

He recounted how he was introduced to the ungodly habit by a friend shortly after completion of Junior High School.

This, he said, was to enable him maintain his virginity and cope perfectly as a boarder in a boys school, where he had gained admission.

According to him, his love for maturbation spiraled, and he found himself pleasuring himself at odd times and places.

It was during one of such escapades he was caught red-handed by his father in their home.

“One of the days, I was masturbating in one of the rooms when my father walked in and caught me red-handed. The beatings I received that day was not easy. He lashed me while raining insults on me,” he confessed.

MOG Music said after that incident, he felt the desire to be redeemed from the sin of the flesh, as he was being consumed by guilt.

He received his deliverance after a heartfelt prayer to God, and he described the feeling as “the holy spirit causing the spirit of masturbation to leave his body”.

Till date, the Be Lifted composer said he has never touched himself, neither has he had the desire to do so.

But experts say that’s starting to change.

“There was a time when it wasn’t open for women to talk about it,” Dr. Leah Millheiser, director of the female sexual medicine program at Stanford University Medical Center, tells Yahoo Life. “Now patients are very open when asked. Women do it.”

While Millheiser acknowledges that “there are religions and cultures where it’s not acceptable because sexual activity is meant to be procreative” and that it’s still “more accepted that males do it even though women do it, too,” she says society has made “massive strides” in talking about masturbation.

“We talk about vibrators so openly now,” she says. “Gwyneth Paltrow talks about it. We’ve normalised talking about vibrators and in [doing] that, normalized talking about masturbation, even if we don’t say it.”

Debra Herbenick, the director of the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University in Bloomington, agrees, telling Yahoo Life that, in recent years, “more of my women college students talk openly about it.”

But some women still feel embarrassed, “especially if they were raised in more traditional or conservative homes,” she says. “And some women don’t learn much about their vulva and vagina until adulthood; sexuality in schools rarely addresses masturbation, sexual pleasure, sexual exploration or orgasm.”

So here’s what you need to know about female masturbation.

#1: Masturbating is healthy

While pleasure is the most obvious benefit of masturbation, experts say the practice comes with some health benefits as well, including stress relief and a better night’s sleep. That’s because having an orgasm from masturbation releases feel-good hormones called endorphins, which create feelings of relaxation and well-being.

A 2019 study found that having an orgasm through masturbation was associated with better quality sleep and an easier time falling asleep. “It [also] helps them fall asleep if they’re stressed or anxious,” says Millheiser.

The orgasms that come with masturbation also “improve blood flow to the vagina,” says Millheiser, “and that keeps it healthy.”

But that’s not all: Masturbating with a partner is also “a form of safer sex,” says Herbenick. According to Planned Parenthood: “In fact, it’s the safest way to have sexual pleasure there is — there’s no risk of pregnancy or STDs.”

As Alix Agar, associate marriage and family therapist at the SHAPE Center, tells Yahoo Life: “Masturbation to orgasm has all the benefits of genital intercourse to orgasm, without any of the downsides!”

#2: Women masturbate more often than you might think

“The single biggest misconception about female masturbation is that women don’t,” says Agar, “and of course, that’s simply not true.

Women have always touched or rubbed their genitals for pleasure, just as men have. They just talk about it less.”

Herbenick agrees, saying: “Many people don’t realize how common masturbation is among women. However, about 3 in 4 women have ever masturbated.”

A 2017 study found that more than 40% of women had masturbated in the last month the research was conducted, with only about 22% of women reporting that they have never masturbated in their lifetime.

The study also found that more than 50% of women had used a vibrator or dildo.

#3: It’s a good way for women (and men) to learn about their bodies

Another benefit to masturbation is that it helps with “getting to know your body” and “getting to know what works for you” in terms of stimulation and pleasure, notes Millheiser.

Agar calls masturbation “an effective tool for women to learn about their orgasmic capabilities — how quickly or slowly, how intensely and how long they can orgasm.”

She says that it’s “a huge benefit to sex with a partner as well, because it teaches a woman what types of touch, rhythms, etc., will bring her to orgasm, and she can teach her partner how to do the same.”

She also points out that there’s a “dangerous misconception” that girls and women who masturbate will become “oversexed, or sexualised too young or want too much sex.” She says, “These are all outdated, misogynistic myths.

They relate to the idea that a women’s sexuality belongs to her husband or male partner and can only be developed or explored by him.

In fact, the more any woman knows about her own body and her own capacity to achieve sexual pleasure, the more she will be able to achieve mutual sexual satisfaction with her partner. Masturbation can be an integral part of any couple’s sex life.”

#4: Masturbating “too much” is rare

It’s rare that someone masturbates “too much,” says Herbenick. “When that occurs, a person generally knows because their masturbation is getting in the way of work, school or their family or romantic/sexual relationships,” she says. “In other rare cases, someone may be masturbating so much or in such a difficult way that it hurts their body.”

Herbenick says that “people who are struggling with their approach to masturbation, or their feelings about masturbation, may be helped by connecting with a sex therapist or sex coach.” She suggests visiting AASECT.org or SSTARnet.org to find a therapist in one’s area.

#5: Married women — and older women — do it, too

Masturbating isn’t just for the young and single. Married women and men, as well as older adults, partake as well. “Masturbation is available to people across the lifespan, including people of advanced age,” says Herbenick. “Indeed, many older individuals find it easier to masturbate alone or together rather than have intercourse, given some of the logistics with intercourse positioning and/or issues such as vaginal dryness or erectile function.”

Herbenick adds: “Solo and partnered masturbation are just two parts on a very full menu of ways to explore and connect sexually.”

#6: It can improve your sex life

A 2020 study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that when women use similar techniques and stimulation that feel good during masturbation and apply them during sex with their partners, they report a better orgasmic response and less difficulty achieving orgasm during partnered sex.

Masturbation can also be helpful to women entering menopause. “When a woman goes into menopause, she has decreased blood flow,” explains Millheiser. “So women will say, ‘I can’t achieve orgasm anymore’ or ‘It’s really weak in intensity.’

Or, ‘I can’t achieve it without using a vibrator.’ That’s related to a drop in estrogen and nerve conduction. You need more of that stimulation to achieve orgasm.” And that’s where masturbation comes in.

#7: For some, it’s the only way they orgasm

“Women will say, ‘I can’t achieve orgasms,’ and what they’re really saying is, ‘I can’t have an orgasm with penile-vaginal or toy-vaginal penetration,” explains Millheiser. “But you can ask them, ‘Can you have orgasms through genital or clitoral stimulation?’ ‘Oh yeah, I can do that.’ It’s more common to have clitoral stimulated orgasms than vaginal penetration orgasms.”

Millheiser says that it’s perfectly OK if the only way you’re able to achieve orgasm is through masturbation. “Don’t be disappointed if it doesn’t happen,” she says. “Enjoy the orgasms that you do have.”

The stimulation can be performed manually, by use of objects or tools, or by some combination of these methods.

Masturbation is a common form of autoeroticism, providing sexual pleasure or orgasm in the absence of a partner.

Sex is intended to be both an expression of love for your spouse, and a beautiful means of procreation. Sex is so special, powerful, and valuable that it is properly used only within marriage.

If you’re not married, you should abstain from sexual activity. Sex is the ultimate gift husbands and wives can give: a total gift of self, body and soul.

Sex is how you fulfil your wedding vows to love totally, freely, and completely, as long as you both shall live. The secret of life is hidden in that intimate sharing.

Masturbation denies every aspect of that promise of sex — that promise of your vows. Masturbation is:

• Focused on yourself
• A withholding from your spouse
• A statement that sex is only about pleasure — your own pleasure
• Inherently sterile
• Often accompanied by “adultery in your heart” through pornography and fantasy

It denies the meaning of sex. It makes you less than fully human.

Masturbation is a sin because a person consents in his own heart to take sexual gratification from impure thoughts. It is sinful to indulge in the sexual pleasure that is derived from the satisfaction of using one’s imagination to FIXATE upon obscene images, or obscene actions, or forbidden sex.

Lustfully fixating upon genitals, or sexual acts, is idolatry. This is called: the worship of obscenities. This is the sin of those addicted to pornography.

That’s often a “guy” thing. Alternatively, taking delight in the lust of another, or consummating a fantasy of forbidden sexual romance, is the sin of adultery in the heart. That’s often a “girl” thing.

The act of masturbation is an outward act that confirms that one’s heart and mind has consented to an inward act of impurity. Only by consenting to an imagined act of impurity can one attain orgasm. To attain sexual release, a person’s will consent to LOVE something that is sexually impure.

But everyone else says masturbation is healthy

The world has a way of saying that a lot of disordered things are “good”.

Masturbation is radically self-centred, and radically un-Christian. It turns us and our sexuality away from God and toward ourselves by:

• Training our sexuality in the habit of self-indulgence, not self-giving
• Divorcing the pleasure of orgasm from union with the “other”, your spouse
• Turning away from the risks of loving another
• Refusing fertility & the full responsibility of sex

If we tell our teens that masturbation is normal and healthy, we’re setting them up with a habit that can yield a lifetime of difficulty. We’re telling them that self-indulgence and lack of self-control are positive things. This cannot form a strong foundation for mature, loving sexuality.

When the subject of masturbation arises, it always refers to stimulating one’s self for the gratification of sexual lust, or in stimulating one’s self sexually while fantasizing about the lust of another person.

In impure sexual fantasy, a person uses his own imagination as a pornographic tool to give his body the ability to attain sexual gratification.

In reality entertaining lustful fantasy is embracing a falsehood of the heart and mind, in an act of abuse of his own body in order to attain selfish sexual gratification. This is sexual idolatry! God hates falsehood – especially worshipping a false god! This is why God hates impurity in all its forms.

God hates pornography because it is used to degrade human beings: both men and women. The sole purpose of hard-core pornography is to create and inflame degrading sexual lust, or to invoke unholy gratification by the enjoyment taken in the degradation of another person.

Indulging in impure lusts or taking delight in the lust, or degradation of another person constitutes the sins of impurity. Masturbation severely damages a person’s ability to accomplish the intended purpose of loving marital sexuality.

Holy sexuality is the loving donation between a man and wife of their own bodies to one another. In marriage it may be enjoyed for holy procreation, or to express romantic love, or simply for the delight that the freedom marriage affords the spouses to release the tensions of life.

It may even be an act of charity! But it is always a privileged act of special intimacy reserved for spouses alone. Masturbation, by its very nature clouds and degrades the purpose and privilege of married sexuality.

Masturbation is a solitary act of gratifying one’s own physical urge. Performed as a solitary act, even in the married state, it degrades the place of honour of the spouse! It often serves to sexually replace the spouse entirely!

This is because masturbation trains a person to abuse his own sexual powers outside the intended order of God, in a selfish solitary way.

If you think you’re trapped in the habit of masturbation or one of its close cousins (pornography, infidelity, prostitution, etc.), seek the competent help of a priest. (Don’t be shy! They’ve heard it all before. Sadly, it’s quite common.)

If a Catholic has committed sins of masturbation, he must confess these sins in the confessional in this way: “I have committed sins of impurity with myself (mention a specific number).

” If a non-Catholic has committed sins of masturbation, he must humbly kneel down and beg pardon for his sins, and pray to be delivered of such temptations in the future. P

referably, he would seek out a trusted person who understands this sin: and confess this sin or habit: as is appropriate. “Confess your sins one unto another, and you shall be healed.”

To fully understand why masturbation is sinful, one must appreciate the holiness of one’s own body, and believe in the true and sacred purpose of human sexuality.

The “spiritual union” known as “a state of grace” consists in God’s uniting himself with the body and soul of a human being. The sanctification of a soul by the grace of God is a spiritual divine union: it is as sacred as marriage itself!

The hearts and minds of Christian people must not be defiled by gratifying themselves by indulging in impure sexual fantasies, or by abusing their own physical sexual powers.

One’s body is the temple of the Holy Spirit! One can no more masturbate in private without the defiling the temple of the Holy Spirit than one could masturbate inside a Church without defiling it!

If one believes that his own body is less holy than a physical building, then he does not at all understand the meaning of the holy gospel or the awesome holiness of Christian grace.

Freedom & responsibility

The talk of habit raises an important point: when is masturbation a sin? And how bad a sin is it? Masturbation is a grave sin, what we call a mortal sin, by which we reject God’s offer of life. However, morality also acknowledges that the force of habit can reduce or even eliminate our responsibility for our actions.

• We have to freely consent in order to be fully responsible.
• If a habit makes something less than a free choice, it also reduces our responsibility for our actions.

This does not give us free reign if we just call something a habit! Sinful actions still harm us greatly, even if we may not be fully charged with the guilt of committing them. We have a responsibility to seek help and diligently strive to overcome our habits. The Lord is patient and merciful. He desperately wants to free us from the slavery of sin. But we have to do our part, too.

Saint Paul is very clear about this: “Do not let anyone deceive you with empty arguments. Among you there must not even be mention of fornication, promiscuity, or impurity in any of its forms!

You can be quite certain that no one who actually indulges in promiscuity or impurity – which is worshiping a false god – can inherit anything of the kingdom of God! Impure things that are done in secret are things that people are ashamed even to speak of!

Immoral behaviour such as this brings down God’s anger upon the children of disobedience. Make sure you are not included among them! You were in darkness once, but now you are light in the Lord! Be like children of light!

The effects of this light are manifest by complete goodness, and truth, and right living. Anything exposed to the light will be illuminated, and anything illuminated turns into light.

So, be very careful about the sort of lives you lead. Pray the Psalms and sing to the Lord in your heart! Everywhere you are, give thanks to the Lord! This may be a wicked age, but you can redeem it!” (Ephesians 5: 2-15)

Should we repress our sexuality?

There’s a difference between repression and self-control. Repression means to “stuff” those feelings down when they arise, denying them and wishing they weren’t there. Repression doesn’t work. Many people try this route and fail.

Self-control is different. You don’t deny the reality of your sexual drive but seek to control it according to your will. That’s called being free! If you’re a slave to your urges (sexual or otherwise), you’re not free.

“For you were called to freedom, brethren; only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love be servants of one another.” (Gal 5:13)

The key to this is to redeem our sexuality, not to repress it. Christopher West makes this point clear in Good News About Sex and Marriage:

When sexual feelings, desires, and temptations present themselves, as they inevitably do, instead of trying to ignore them or “stuff” them by pushing them down and under, we need to bring them up and out.

Not up and out in the sense of indulging them, but up and out and into the hands of Christ our Redeemer. You might simply say a prayer such as this:

Lord Jesus, I give you my sexual desires. Please undo in me what sin has done so that I might know freedom in this area and experience sexual desire as you intend. Amen.

The more we invite Christ into our passions and desires and allow him to purify them, the more we find we’re able to exercise proper control of them. And we begin more and more to experience our sexuality, not as the desire for selfish gratification but as the desire to give ourselves away in imitation of Christ. This is what redemption is all about. (Good News About Sex and Marriage, p.81)

It’s a matter of bringing our disorders to Christ, naming them for what they are, and letting Christ heal us. We experience that healing as the gradual increase of self-control.

It is possible

You’re worth far too much to live according to a lie about yourself. For your freedom was bought at a great price: the price of the blood of Christ. So go on: Let yourself be redeemed. Live in the “glorious freedom of the children of God” (Rom. 8:21).

Don’t listen to some asinine teacher, or psychologist who tells you that: masturbation is “normal” and quite all right. Masturbation may be “normal” in a civilization where child rape and murder happen almost every day.

Masturbation may be normal in a society with hard-core pornography channels available on every TV cable or satellite system. Masturbation may be normal where lurid pornographic images are spammed constantly to every Internet user: But masturbation is NOT all right!

People, who imagine that masturbation is ‘normal’, are woefully ignorant of the obvious reality that it is the devil himself who is the author of both lust and incest.

Sexuality is the Achilles heel for struggling mankind – and the devil knows this well! Above all things, Satan is committed to constantly tempting men with powerful enticements to lust. Satan longs to trap men and woman by enticing them to honour what is false, vane, impure, self indulgent, ugly, or degrading.

Sexual impurity is something that should be rejected, but it is not something to be horribly ashamed of. Lust is the natural consequence of the disordered sexual instinct of fallen human nature.

Men must be strengthened by divine grace. Masturbation is just a very common sin! Like all sin it must be conquered! But it can only be conquered with the help of the grace of God.

If someone has contracted the habit of masturbation, sometimes the sudden physical impulse is unavoidable! But consenting to a lifestyle of sin IS avoidable! Consenting to a lifestyle of sin is damnable! The object is to fight the fight! 

Don’t just give up and resign yourself to an eternity in hell for being a mealy-mouthed masturbator! If someone has contracted a habit, they simply need to recognise it, admit it to themselves, to God, and to another human being.

—

Rev. Fr. Benedict Adu Frimpong is priest at the Catholic Diocese of Sunyani and a Lecturer at St Gregory Provincial Major Seminary, Kumasi.